Fighting hard to stay in job

I have had month off for back pains severe. Been on the job for a month and now I feel sick, took day off. I am like why am I even trying, I'm such a loser in life. I am trying to support disabled son but the money just seems to run out. One thing good is I have a very nice and friendly client who likes me and enjoys working with me. My collegue is very professional and friendly who I work alongside for some clients. This should be reason for me getting up and enjoying life. I should feel satisfied. But I keep thinking and my thoughts end with how hard it is and why am I bothering to try. Any input or your life input should calm me down and help and would be appreciated, Feeling like I am only person really suffering with no positive outcome, just feeling sad and down. Feel like ***** person

[ford08]

It’s not easy,try to give yourself some compassion.Your not completely useless,don’t be too hard on yourself.You May not be good at everything,but I bet your good at some things.Try to take one day at a time and don’t try to predict the future.I know it’s hard and a struggle,keep fighting,best of luck

[Hidden in reply to ford08]

thanks I really needed someone to say that. Very grateful

[ford08 in reply to Hidden]

You can always send me a message,I will always try to answer,take care

[Truename12]

Really can relate. I often call myself a loser. We all know that's not good for us though I am trying an experiment. When I can, I think of the positive thing to say, like if a friend was in your situation and you wanted them to feel good about themselves. When I feel the worst, a walk outside often does it, or stretching, or just lying down and resting. The Buddha said that "a good practitioner knows how to generate a feeling of happiness." It's about memorizing that feeling so you can call it up to save yourself from going down that slippery slope. You don't have to have a reason for the happiness-- in stable times, you can come up with those. Just go to a feeling of happiness, and then do what you need to do next, with gentleness towards self. A human being is fundamentally optimistic and joyful. We have gotten away from knowing this through a complicated culture. Keep it simple and know you are good. Best wishes, sorry this was long, but I hope it helps a little.

[Hidden in reply to Truename12]

I like this

[Truename12 in reply to Hidden]

Plum Village Zen communities have an app, and many YouTube videos. Wishing you the best!

[Hidden]

Hello

Reading your post I was relating on many levels. Firstly i'm currently bedridden with PoTS, plus severe anxiety and agoraphobia, God knows where this condition came from, totally out of the blue.

I wasn't always like this, from 2000, I was a single father to two children (son & daughter). My son was diagnosed with ASD and required a special school, so I was his full-time carer. Although rewarding, it was very challenging.

For 4 years I was working as a support worker, first in drug/alcohol recovery, then three disabled men in a bungalow, working alongside one or two other staff members. This involved a lot of lifting, personal care (bathing, showering), handling medication and money, it was stressfull.

During my last year on the job, I was lone-working with a 60 year old man in his own home, I got on very well with him, we had similar interests and he always enjoyed me taking him out places and chatting, I was his only male member of staff, so we kind of clicked. Life was good.

This all changed in 2019 when my illness started, I eventually lost this job, the man died of covid, and I ended up bedridden, with my partner becoming my carer, I too hated life and felt like giving up completely, I felt such a burden to everyone.

Some days are harder than others, especially when the symptoms arise, but hopefully I will get better and be able to once again walk outdoors, breathe the air, feel grass and enjoy the environment. Support is the key.

I spent so much of my life looking after and caring for others, that I paid myself no attention, and never thought about things like mental health, or anxiety, I was always a headstrong person who was there for everybody else. I guess its taken its toll on me.

Give yourself a break, spend some time for 'you' and look after yourself, we all need breaks and a rest now and then. It sounds like you've run out of steam.

I was starting to practice meditation, but I feel I should have started this sooner than later, and also wish I had paid a little more attention to my own well-being.

You're definitely not a loser, you're feeling the strain and it just sounds like you need a good break. People depend on you from day to day, but a little love goes a long way. Life is hard and throws us these unfair challenges.

Take a walk in nature, sit by a lake, kick your shoes off and feel the grass beneath your feet, listen to the sounds of the birds and the wind in the trees, appreciate the earth and it will appreciate you. You are here for a reason, life should be enjoyed not endured x