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So tired of fighting

Yesterday was really bad. I got into it with my husband. He was on an emotional dysregulation episode. Something was going on because it caused him to lash out at me for something that I was just trying to communicate to him three days ago. Then later he accused me of lying when I wasn't sure about something and then said something different later. Then the following day (two days ago) he said I had lied about locking the front door when I really thought it was and it wasn't. The next day (yesterday) we got into it.

I could tell that he wasn't in the right frame of mind. Something that he wasn't telling me was going on because he became unreasonable, angry, set in his head that I was this absolute horrible person who was out to destroy the family with my lies. I tried to tell him we would discuss this when we were both calm, but he refused. It ended up with us arguing pretty bad and he was telling me to get out of his house. I came back with I'm not leaving and it was my house just as much his. We ended up yelling, I was refusing to leave and told him he needed to get out. And vice versa. He ended up leaving, I don't know where to, was just glad he was gone.

In the time he was gone, I thought a lot. I decided that if he really wanted me to leave, I told him I would. So he came back and was acting in a great mood etc. We avoided each other pretty much all night until everything has quieted down. I approached him and told him that I loved him, would never abandon him, I would be nearby, but if he really wanted me to leave, I would. He just needed to tell me what he wants. He said nothing. Not a word. What seemed like forever, he finally asked about bills due this month and started talking like nothing was going on.

He has ptsd, flash backs, very severe emotional control problems, and anger issues. He is now acting like nothing happened, but is sick so is still in a bad way.

Days like this are the hardest. Instability, emotional roller coaster, not certain whether or not things will get better or worse from here. I get tired of having to make a hard decision of whether or not to really stay and then finding out that he didn't really mean it, even though I thought he was about to literally throw me out of the house. I will do anything I can to work through these tough times, but I feel so alone. Feeling like I'm doing all of this work and hardly feeling appreciated, yelled at all the time. He says that he is almost in tears every time he yells at me and leaves. Then why? He has problems that I can't fix or make better. All I can do is try to support him. I just wish I could get the same patience, support, and kindness in return.. even just a little.

5 Replies

Hi Frozenimages,

I feel so much for you when you are putting so much emotional energy into supporting your life partner who you clearly love.

Trying to handle PTSD alone is a mistake. I am really suggesting that you need a little help yourself. Please look into seeking treatment, getting a professional to really help you and see what treatment you're going to benefit from. Finding a clinician who you meet with, and click with and really specializes in PTSD is so, so important.

I believe in having a few therapy sessions where you can talk about your feelings and emotions without experiencing the angry responses will be so good.

Another option to consider is joining a carers support group where the focus is you and coping.

Wishing you all the best


Hi, I think I read in one of your replies to another post that your husband has PTSD after being in a war zone. I'm also on the Thyroid section of healthunlocked and as it happens I replied to a man in the USA who posted that he has an illness following being in the US Army. He knows he has a thyroid illness which forms part of his PTSD. This is a link to his post....


My reply to him was this ........

Hi, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism in 1981 and discovered it’s in fact Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis in January this year via a private blood test. I’m only telling you these facts about myself as I’ve had an endocrine disorder since 1981 and have read copious amounts of facts, research and medical papers.

Along the way, I ‘bumped’ into a UK war veteran called Shaun Rusling, who had been in two different war zones with the British Army. He had PTSD, was suicidal, and this was about 5 years after being retired out of the Army due to bad health. He was totally confused about what was wrong with him and said he would be better off dead as he was dragging his wife and children down with him. To cut a long story short, he found a Professor of Endocrinology (Prof Atkins, who has now moved away from the UK) who fortunately worked in Shaun’s local hospital. This professor was obviously ‘on the ball’ as he discovered that Shaun was suffering from a whole range of endocrine illnesses. Testosterone & thyroid were implicated, and Prof Atkins stated that the pituitary should also be looked at.

Shaun and his wife set up a charity for UK veterans although I think it’s mainly to support veterans with pensions etc. ngvfa.org.uk/about/staff_of...

I have avidly followed this particular veteran and what came out was that the veterans who were suffering PTSD and all the other symptoms that they suffer, are mainly endocrine based. The British government / army refused to acknowledge this fact. The veterans had obviously witnessed horrific things, and had been given multiple inoculations (jabs, vaccines) before going into the war zones. It all caused immense trauma to their bodies; everyone’s body reacts in different ways, and it was the unfortunate veterans who were struck down with the endocrine illnesses.


Good luck


This is a tricky one. It seem to me That you both need help in some way clearly. I would contact your local Community Mental Health team first (perhaps through your GP) and ask for an at home consultation where you can both have a chat with a team and see where that leads you.

With support I'm sure you can slowly come to terms with the home situation and the arguments and find the proper way forward. But you should get the available support, as a first step. When you get to the stage where your husband *(or both of you) are regular ly sitting in front of a Psychiatrist (a good one!) and discussing any issues you'll be much better off.


Thank you for the replies. I wouldn't of even thought of an endocrine illness. I always chalked it up to the abuse and neglect as a child with carried into his adulthood. I might have to seek out a counselor for myself first. He has a very high objection to doctors. They kind of scare him. He was in psychiatric hospitals with doctors that were supposed to help and take care. Ended up abusing him and using the involuntary electroconvulsive therapy. I didn't think they used such practices, but apparently some still do. Then the juvenile dentists weren't allowed to administer high dose numbing agents and performed dental work that shouldn't of been done. This was all while under the age of 18.

Then his father died three years back. His mother recently resurfaced from disappearing for about 5 years. She seems to want to be in her grandkids lives, but has my husband on edge. When I first found out she wanted to get in touch with him again, his brother approached me. I gave him a stern warning that she better not pull her crap where she disappears again. Then I gave her a stern warning that he is happy, has a family that loves him very much, and if she screws around with his emotions again, she's going to regret it and never be a part of our family again... I put it a little more cordial, but that's the general idea.

Think this, compounded with the holidays seem to be a bad stressor. Even I get stressed around the holidays and I don't have nearly as traumatic experiences as him.

What if he refuses therapy? I wish he would agree to it, but part of me thinks he's not going to warm up to it. I know that I just need to change something with myself. I am so blessed in life, but I find that I'm struggling to be happy and enjoy everything good I have going in my life.


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