Yesterday was really bad. I got into it with my husband. He was on an emotional dysregulation episode. Something was going on because it caused him to lash out at me for something that I was just trying to communicate to him three days ago. Then later he accused me of lying when I wasn't sure about something and then said something different later. Then the following day (two days ago) he said I had lied about locking the front door when I really thought it was and it wasn't. The next day (yesterday) we got into it.
I could tell that he wasn't in the right frame of mind. Something that he wasn't telling me was going on because he became unreasonable, angry, set in his head that I was this absolute horrible person who was out to destroy the family with my lies. I tried to tell him we would discuss this when we were both calm, but he refused. It ended up with us arguing pretty bad and he was telling me to get out of his house. I came back with I'm not leaving and it was my house just as much his. We ended up yelling, I was refusing to leave and told him he needed to get out. And vice versa. He ended up leaving, I don't know where to, was just glad he was gone.
In the time he was gone, I thought a lot. I decided that if he really wanted me to leave, I told him I would. So he came back and was acting in a great mood etc. We avoided each other pretty much all night until everything has quieted down. I approached him and told him that I loved him, would never abandon him, I would be nearby, but if he really wanted me to leave, I would. He just needed to tell me what he wants. He said nothing. Not a word. What seemed like forever, he finally asked about bills due this month and started talking like nothing was going on.
He has ptsd, flash backs, very severe emotional control problems, and anger issues. He is now acting like nothing happened, but is sick so is still in a bad way.
Days like this are the hardest. Instability, emotional roller coaster, not certain whether or not things will get better or worse from here. I get tired of having to make a hard decision of whether or not to really stay and then finding out that he didn't really mean it, even though I thought he was about to literally throw me out of the house. I will do anything I can to work through these tough times, but I feel so alone. Feeling like I'm doing all of this work and hardly feeling appreciated, yelled at all the time. He says that he is almost in tears every time he yells at me and leaves. Then why? He has problems that I can't fix or make better. All I can do is try to support him. I just wish I could get the same patience, support, and kindness in return.. even just a little.