home and panicing

[Against_the_current]

I'm here. I told her i want to go to the supermarket to buy stuff to make pancakes but mom left no money. She told me to take from hers, i told her i don't want to take hers, she said she was at dad's and dad gave them to her cause the baby ate hers. I paniced so damn hard. I'm still panicing. I lost my appetite and feel like i'm going to throw up. I need to hide this panic. The baby. And she was at dad's. Was it just a visit or did she had troubles with mom and had to escape and deal with the baby there. I went outside, i was feeling like i'm gonna puke in the supermarket, i can't breathe. I went outside, got back, took a med, hugged by rabbit,lit a candle and prayed but i'm still losing it.

Yesterday when i arrived nobody welcomed me. Mom was asleep probably drunk and sis was outside probably escaping it. I hope it's just probably not real. I'm panicing hard since yesterday. And seeing no money scares me too. I just hope they're in mom's card.

I got accepted for a job in university city. I'm here so i haven't confirmed it. Also texted my grandparents a lot and i'm scared mom will find out and go mad.

Heeeelp

[SoporRose]

R Me,

Wow: I feel your panic, but I don’t understand a lot of what you’re describing. It’s desolating that no one welcomed you. Do you need to cut your visit short and get back to where you’re safe? Don’t be afraid to go back to what is now your real home. If you are sick and unable to breath, explain to your sister and get out of there.

Are you happy about the job? What kind of job is it?

Ruth

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Hi Ruth. I actually now feel like i want to stay and not go back and i am scared i can't do the job and live back on my own. But the moment my mom drinks or gets mad i will want to immediatelly rush back there. I'm scared of losing my home here, sis growing up and so. I'm just overwhelmed with anxiety and Overthinking. My job is student appreciatship, i'm a psychology student and i will be in a psychology center assisting, talking to families with problems. I really wanted this job but i'm scared what if my own trauma ruins it

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Your trauma will help you make meaningful connections with other people who are hurting. I think you should grab this chance with both hands; it sounds perfect for you.

But even if you decide for whatever reason to forgo the apprenticeship (but have faith in yourself and go for it!), don't stay with your mom. Get your education and make a home where your sister can join you as soon as she can get away. I understand the temptation to stay, but it will just drag you down and you’ll lose all the progress you’ve made. Getting out sets an example of strength and hope for your sis!

Ruth

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks. And thank you so much for believing in me, i was doubting myself. Yeah i better get out and the appreciatship is a good opportunity to stay away. Now stressing that sis wants to go to a concert in my university city when my interview is and i'm stressed am i going to have her for these days with my crazy roommates and with or without a parent, and exactly these days

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Oh no: what terrible timing! The interview and your sister’s visit are both great things to have in yourife, but not at the same time!!

How old is your sister now?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Exactly! She's 15

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Fifteen: That's kind of young to go to a three day concert by herself. Does she have someone with whom she can go? It sounds as if you don't have the time to escort her — not with that internship on the horizon.