Help

[Patcraze69]

I try so hard to please people, make sure everyone is happy. But then no one cares when I do everything for them. I give them everything! I give them my whole heart and soul then it’s like they stamp all over it. When I then take a stand and try and be a strong woman… I get stamped on all over again, I’m called names, made fun off and even questioned about my helpfulness. I just feel like I’m nothing, no one cares and it’s better to be alone. I’ve done something I haven’t done for the longest time. I was so angry. I needed to feel something other then the pain in my heart/chest. I just hate myself.

[PointOfReference]

Sorry to hear your distress at this difficult time.

I wondered if you'd thought much about your final sentence there. Do you really hate yourself?

Are you maybe hoping to get some validation from others, by pleasing and helping them? So that you feel better about yourself?

My experience is that people pleasing happens to many people who weren't seen or validated as children. This can manifest in adulthood and can often make others uncomfortable or see you as weaker than you are.

You may start to feel better when you start to focus on pleasing yourself first. This can be a hard habit to break but is an important step to acknowledge and recognise, so that you can start to be happy without the validation from others.

Im sure they do appreciate you. But you have to remove yourself from attaching to their response.

Be kind to yourself. Youre a worthy human being with huge potential.

You're seen and appreciated! But focus first on you

[Lycholko]

I feel the same way. My family and friends don't realize how much I do for them emotionally and it is bothersome. I think it wouldn't hurt to try doing affirmations, like, "It is not my job to help and please everyone," or, "People only call me names because they have nothing else better to do." Recognize that YOU know that you are doing all you can and if they can't see that, then that's their problem. It isn't up to you to meet their expectations. You are not a mat for people to wipe their feet on. You are a strong woman who has boundaries and you need to remind people of them.

[Hidden]

You sound so much like me. I am too nice and I get walked on. Nobody cares or appreciates me. I also am a good listener, and have too much empathy for people. Nobody ever listens to me. I am just a good person to use. I think Point of Reference knows what she or he is talking about.

[Roxylox]

Another people pleaser here. I too got called names after l did my very best and more to help people. I too am a good listener and empathetic. Maybe these seemingly good qualities make us targets to be used, then walked on. Don't hate yourself please. You are obviously a gpod person. You will get the few who will recognise that. I would also be the person most often ignored in my family.