I feel useless: Hi. First time for me... - Mental Health Sup...

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I feel useless

WhyshouldI profile image

Hi. First time for me have no idea what to do with myself. I'm not coping with anything especially myself. My actions are now affecting people around me. I just don't seem to be able to make any right decisions and everything I touch turns to rubbish. I feel like a total waste of skin.

18 Replies

It could be that you have just made bad choices and maybe you are too sensitive which means you are a nice person.

Don't suffer alone. Reach out to the mental health people and your doctor.

I say this cos I know from experience that telling some people they don't know what to say.

When my boyfriend died I reached out to the bereavement service and the mental health.

It is difficult with lockdown but it did help to talk on the phone.

When finally lockdown ends we can visit places we liked. Look forward to the future. I liked going to the church hall for lunch because every time my anxiety eased.

Don't put yourself down.

Take care

WhyshouldI profile image
WhyshouldI in reply to Chase888

Thank you chase 888 for your kind words. Sorry for your loss x

Hello You sound quite young, and that can be a problem as we grow up. I remember when I left school to go to work for the first time at fifteen I found it very difficult to gain confidence with those around me. I had to learn new ways to get on in an adult workplace and that made me feel accident prone.

Are you at work and find the situation awkward and accident prone. You need to gain confidence in yourself and keep your own Council. Remember as well you will not be alone in these feelings. There is always someone who will be more clumsy than yourself. You need to be yourself and stop worrying

BOB

Thanks Bob. Unfortunately I am not young I am old enough to know better. I have messed up so much lately that even I don't like myself.

Well I am getting on and to be honest I can make some real hoolies because my memory is shot I leave most decisions now to my Wife and I do not deal with much anymore. She does the garden as I just hurt myself. She also negotiates with workmen and trades people as I seem to know how to upset everyone, we all have problems like you describe When I put my foot in it I now forget to get my boot back. Life is one big problem

However you are where you are all you need to do, if married is do it so often the Wife picks up the slack, it is better that way Workmen look at me sitting in my seat and just sigh with a pityful look that can be quite revelling.

I know I should not joke about such things, however I find we can start to be pitied and that can be the best way of getting out of things I would make a mess in. It is better that way, lol

BOB

I have a 12 year old son which I feel I am failing miserably he is struggling at school which I seem to making worse. I have 2 beautiful grandkids and a lovely daughter who are all good. My husband just seems to be sorting out my mess all the time. I managed to get myself dependent on alcohol so Google tells me. I didn't even realise I was as I only really had a drink on the weekend but hey ho. Cutting that out of my life will at least help my heart. I just don't like myself at all I feel I need to leave just to make my son and husbands life easier. No one needs my rubbish on top of their own. I have so many issues i really don't know where to start. I've got antidepressants and had councilling it just all seems pointless.

Mamatired profile image
Mamatired in reply to WhyshouldI

Raising kids is really hard. At 12 years old too, school can be tough. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be because of covid as well and all of the changes. What is he struggling with? Have you tried reaching out to his teacher to implement new strategies to help him? My son is struggling too. We try to take one step at a time to make it easier for him. I feel like sometimes it all feels so pointless too. Try to take some time to figure out what will bring you back to yourself so that you can be in a better place to be with your family. You are loved.

Are you still working I stopped working because of my health concerns and disabilities, that really knocked my confidence. I am still a creaking gate sad to say. Disabilities mean comprimises. That just wears me down

BOB

I lost my job. I was a carer when covid hit lost a lot of lovely souls which I didnt cope with.

Were you working in a care home at the time of the Covid deaths or similar. ? It was a distressing period for many Staff and Families

Have you seen your Doctor, regards how you feel, you are not to blame that was down to the Hospitals and Bad Policy at a stressful time and that needs to be rienforced in your mind you could do very little at the that time. I know in a small way how difficult looking after the aged can be,, and in my mind now as long as we did everything for them we had no need to question our actions and have any associated guilt. We do as they would expect to live our Lives to the full and move on accordingly

Did your problems if this is what happened begin then ?

BOB

I was a home carer. One of my people had no family and died on their own in a hospital just down the road from where I live. If I had known where they were I would have made sure I was there. No one should die alone. I kind of escalated from there I felt helpless I knew it was a situation that was completely uncharted but the one thing I could have done I didn't. After that the same thing seemed to be happening every week. My home life was stressed, my son was home and not doing his school work properly, my husband was off work with his business shut and no financial help and I just couldn't help anyone.

I understand how you must feel in my case it was an Aunt who had Dementia, She was eighty years old and the whole family including inLaws did not wish to be involved in Her care, even my Family Parents and God Child so it was down to me. I even contacted Her Friends that had been close for many years, I had been introduced to them as well, they were in their mid seventies, my aunt was just below eighty and I was really stuck because the Social Services had problems relating to that side of the family, a great deal more negativity and distrust was shown to me and that will remain hidden from my Lips.

The main point of this we need to understand we had done all we could for the comfort of my Aunts last days, Given that I had understood I had done all I could, granted they did not inform me of the following termination however I had the privilige of becoming close to the Her and the relationship proceeded in a more fuller wonderful way. I became possesive and it really hurt me what went on after that. She is a great miss.

You like me did all we could given the circumstances that you had found yourself in, Life can be difficult especially End of Life, especially regards Covid try and move on from your sadness and ask yourself what else you could have done under the circumstances you found yourself in.

We move on and learn from these experiences. What if, is a well worn expression that people feel under similar circumastance you need to be there now for your family knowing you had done your best under these circumstances . Be confident in knowing you had known and admired this friend. That is all that can be asked of you

BOB

Hey now. I’m sure there a few wonderful things you accomplished today such as waking up and reaching out here. To me, those sound like good things to me! You’re not alone. Making decisions is really difficult. What can you learn from each decision to make a better decision next time. I know that right now it feels super shitty right now but I believe in you and believe that you’ll be able to feel better in your own skin eventually. Please hang in there.

If you have children and grandchildren then you are not useless...you already achieved so much...this lack of self esteem is something you are repeatedly telling yourself...because at some point in your life..someone told you...

Of course you may be depressed...for this you may need professional help.

Things you might try...

Change your motivation...watch motivational videos on youtube.

Increase your movement patterns...improve your diet....get a makeover...

Learn to praise yourself...recalibrate your worthiness.

Okay ...when you reach this point...its time to take stock.Looping back over the same pathways will produces the same feeling...if you keep running around or away from your fears and feelings...they never get fixed.

Stop ...take stock....write a list...draw a picture.....then decide to change just ONE thing....do not try to fix everything...just like a house...you need to build a firm foundation...forget about the roof...until the walls are up...

So one step...at a time...

That one thing could be a simple goal like taking up yoga..start a health routine...or a new hobby...or try walking every day for set amount...start small.... build big.

At my very worse...i could not walk ten feet.....i stayed in bed for 6 months...

I was 30 years of age...i felt useless....i couldnt work...put so much pressure on my partner...came to a complete standstill.Then one morning...i decided to put a step stool next to my bed...and i forced myself to use it every hour for ten minutes...gradually progressed to running up and down ten flights of stairs...i lived in a block of flats at the time

..Now i walk 30 minutes a day every day...cycle 20 miles easily ...have goals hobbies and purpose...i am 66.... you can turn this round...live your life to the full...make each day count....when you can do no more...you can say ...at least you tried...useless to useful....starts with your mind...and for what its worth...alcohol never fixes anything....it steals everything.

Remember to reward yourself...any little thing you do...tell yourself...it was the best you could do...angels can do no more...be kind to yourself...you are worth this and so much more.

WhyshouldI profile image
WhyshouldI in reply to Jomico

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. You speak alot of sense if you can do it and succeed it is definitely worth ago. I used to bike ride until I had a heart attack on my bike which resulted in a stent. Maybe now is time to get over my fear and maybe try a short ride.

Jomico profile image
Jomico in reply to WhyshouldI

I think walking would be my first step....build up gradually.I wish you all success but more importantly please stop telling yourself anything negative, everytime you catch yourself doing it, just follow it up with a positive affirmation.Most negative thoughts stem from what we hear others say...be kind to yourself.best wishes.

WhyshouldI profile image
WhyshouldI in reply to Jomico

Thanks again Jomica I will definitely try baby steps first.

Yes had those days too. You have to keep going and have a stand pick apart the options you do have and pick them over. If you think that you have no options think harder at an answer, it might be a bit black and white but then that is sometimes the way things are.

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