In another funk

[cambio]

I don't know what's going on with me mentally. My emotions are all over the place. I have experienced childhood trauma and don't really have a relationship with my mom and have really longed for one. I thought or rather that at the age of 33, I'm finally over it but now I'm noticing other things. I've been married for 6 years now and been with him for a total of 12 years. He's been with me through a lot of my rough patches, dealing with my mom and going through what I now know was depression/ anxiety and just me being mentally messed up. I'm starting to feel like he's tired and treats me based on how I was then, though I'm actively working to truly change. I'm so much more aware and it's hurtful when he refers to things I did or that he mentioned not in the exact words that he wants to receive some of what he gave, which I totally understand. However, it's not an excuse but I try to explain to him, that I wasn't aware of what I was going through (with the depression, etc) and I feel like it's unfair for me to "repay" what has happened. I'm of the mentality that we should try and move on and work on things given our current situation, but I'm afraid that he's changed and I'm the reason for it. I feel like he's been through so much because of me and sometimes I think that he'd be better off without me. I'm trying really hard because we have 2 kids and I don't want our relationship to impact them. It really sucks knowing that at times it feels like we're pretty much just existing and it's not fair to any of us.

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I am very sorry for what is going on in your life. Nothing is as hard as suffering from something and not realy know what. One thing you need to understand about depression is that many people who don't realy suffer from depression don't understand it. They can just rub it off as excuse for bad behavior hence we are here for support. I am happy though you are now aware that you were suffering from depression. Depression affects our brains, there is a chemical imbalance in our brain which affects our emotions and our level of activity. What this means is that, your emotions will be all over the place, up and down and having mood swings. You need to study all the emotions so that when they kick in, you will be able to recognize it and deal with it at any point in time. This has helped me tremendously bcz of knowing wht depression has done to me, I simply retreat and deal with it when it kicks in. Remember also depression affects the level of activity which means there are things we now can't do the way we did before, so we need external staff to help us cope with life. If you need meds take them. If you have to see a therapist, so be it. If you are not taking the medication route, find out how you can cope with using natural remedies. I hope you take care of yourself, you deserve to be happy.

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Hello Cambio

Are you explaining that your Husband is going through a Mental Health Concern and you are balking because He wishes you to help him with his problems.

How are you at this time, are you reverting back to earlier times. I can understand similar problems, my Home-life was bad and that continued through until both their Deaths, when I was sixty eight.

The problem you have is He may be using your Health Concerns as problematic and is loosing interest and expects more from you. Like a Bank Account interest rate.

I know in my Life my Wife looks after many of my Needs and expectations. I am very insular and I fail when dealing with workmen or other problems. So in my case it is here where I interract with others. Because of my past I prefer to

move away from decisions, my Wife then picks up the slack, is this the sort of problem you are suffering from. Where your husband is wanting your help assistance etc when things need sorting.

BOB