This is me

[Heartfancy]

Well it worked I guess my prior post was just too long.

I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder along with a deep general anxiety disorder and ADHD.

And I’ll preface this by saying that I by no means think that I’m all that or better than anyone else. As a matter of fact I was born with a sibling older than myself actually 2 siblings but my brother was born with such a severe mental retardation that he literally could not do anything for himself, and I mean nothing. He passed away the day after his 21 first birthday and it really was a blessing and I don’t mean any disrespect for saying that. He was 9 years older than me and my parents were not in a position to put him in a private nursing home. And back then it was in the fifties and I really don’t think anyone except really well off families could do that and I never knew him. My parents had asked our pediatrician about letting my sister and myself visit him when they found a suitable state facility and of course back then the doctors didn’t know as much as they know now, so it was decided that it would be best for my sister and myself to not see him. But in doing so especially when I was very young my parents were often called by my brother’s nurse to come to see him because he had constant ailments and they often had to leave on a moment’s notice. My sister and myself were always left with good relatives and or trusting neighbors but to me I was so young I didn’t understand, I just wanted my parents. And believe me I learned when I was old enough that my parents were caught between a rock and a stone they simply couldn’t help it. But my anxiety disorder started then and up until the love of my life passed away from brain cancer not even a year ago I’ve had a bad abandonment disorder.

Currently for the first time ever I’m living alone not even with a pet. I’ve always had a pet but I had to put my beautiful Sophie girl whom was a Maine Coon mix down on August 31 of this year. And I have extended family members and a very best friend but this is literally the first time I’ve ever been completely alone. And I’m just lost.

My entire immediate family died besides my brother in a four year period. Both my parents and my sister. So I need reach out and to help others. So that’s where I am. I cremated my cat as I had done with my other cat before her and I haven’t even picked her up yet. I don’t think I can until I get another cat, it’s simply too painful.

So I’m very lonely.

[Hb2003]

I am sorry about what happened to you we will support you along the way please let us know if you need anything-Hiba

[Heartfancy in reply to Hb2003]

Thank You I just need to know I have an outlet and since Covid which is terrible for everyone it’s been really tough. I’m also worried that although I talk to my best friend every day and I don’t think that she’d ever leave me and just give up on me I think I need to give her a break and have not just another alternative but be with like people that truly understand.So thanks for that 😎🕶

[Hb2003 in reply to Heartfancy]

Your welcome 😊

[Hidden in reply to Heartfancy]

Over thinking can really cause doubts and that can cause a self fulfilling stressful time in our lives, If you are in contact with your friend keep up with that interaction and she will thank you for that. Eventually Covid will slow down and will be able to return to all those things we used to enjoy before all these fears and restrictions I would be going to health meetings and holidays, although all my activities have been stopped and getting away on holidays is a pleasant memory of times gone by I have my travel books and that is a poor relation of what we used to do, so you are not alone

Keep all your friends close by you, they themselves will be going through the same uncertain thoughts like you are having yourself. You are more than welcome to come here and talk, many here will enjoy that

BOB

[Torri_____]

Sending you a message of care. As to yearn for parents early and have misunderstandings inside so young can start anxiety and it is that age that we learn our coping strategies and grow the fear of being alone or abandoned. You are worth your love and your best friends love and I can see here that you are trying to find alternative outlets to not put so much stress on your best friend =and that says that you are caring and empathetic as a friend that puts the others feelings in situations. That’s a great friend -you- and most good friends know us well and therefore know your fear about that and won’t deliberately hurt or leave you.

[Heartfancy in reply to Torri_____]

Thank You for your response.I can only speak for myself but I’ve become so privy to self deprecating that I hardly ever see myself as being a really good person. Thank You for reminding me that in my mental illness aside I’m a good person 😎🕶