Narc wins

[isin13955]

My narc wife excelled herself today. After losing the futile and nonsensical argument today she resorted to tears and suicide threats. After comforting her, the power has been restored and I am left with my usual guilt and shame.

[Hidden]

You need to get her to see psychiatrist and you may also have to talk her doctor and equally talk to her family, parents is the only advice I can think of. Don't take all burden on yourself.

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your input. She has alienated all her family on the basis that they neither like or respect her. How do you convince someone to get help when they th ink there is nothing wrong with them and it's everyone else that has a problem?

[Hidden in reply to isin13955]

Sometimes you have to section them - tell doctors the doctor and send to hospital under crisis team or mental health team

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

I did tell her that I would do that if she continued to make those kind of threats. The problem is that if I do everything she wants and agree with everything she says she's fine . The downside of that is ....... I'll let you fill in the rest!

[Hidden]

Have you tried to both go to Marriage Guidance in your local area, check or ask CAB Citizens Advice they will tell you how to contact them. Has She been diagnosed Narc ??

BOB

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

No to both Bob . To do so would be relinquishing control and that is the crux of the situation. Up until recently we had no friends or family who could influence our lives but now we, need to provide assistance to my elderly mother. This does not sit well with my wife and she will constantly criticise her, to me, behind her back.

[Hidden in reply to isin13955]

You have decisions to make and to be honest I do not envy you.

It may be you only go and see your Mother on your own as you cannot know how your Wife will react to your Mother. However if it is Narc you may find in your Mothers presence you will be ok.

You will if your Wife is suffering a personality disorder find you will get the flack that is possibly going to be from your Wife and it will be unpleasant for you as any manipulation will be shown through you and any other family members. A Narc needs someone to feed from and be able to talk to other people around her in that way you may not know what the situation actually is

I am not that positive is your Wife is A Narc, however it does seem She may have personality Disorder. You need to talk with a Doctor or Social Worker when things become any worse. Narc is not a Mental Health Concern generally it is possibly how she was brought up like in my family. In my case the instigator was my Mother and She past it on to My Sisters, my Father was in a hard place and that weakened Him, (three Narcs) this affected my Father and He was unable to protect himself never mind other family members. This affected my Fathers Parents, however that lead to other unpleasant situations.

BOB

[isin13955 in reply to Hidden]

Most of the time I do visit my mother on my own although my wife is never unpleasant to her face. Part of the problem is that butter wound melt!

I know it comes from her childhood and she knows that also. It's getting worse as we have moved to my home town, where there is more opportunity to develop friendships. Many years ago she told me that as I was married I had no need of friends!

[Hidden in reply to isin13955]

isin

If you Wife knows she has a personality problem and she agrees with you is she unable to bite her lip ? I was brought up in a problem family, however for an extended period I was brought up by a Surrogate family. So the problem I had there was they were born during the Victorian Period however they really looked after me very well and I had a second family with their Relatives and that was very comforting.

You have decisions to make here and hopefully your Wife with your help may be able to pull herself around.. The problem I would think at this time is you have limited access to friends etc. In a way this may be a good thing if your Wife is a Narc. However that is no comfort to your needs.

In my case we both have moved on and have been push to isolate ourselves from others because of the Narcs attitude and possible lies.

BOB

[Silentrider60]

isin13955, Hi my name is Janet, I hear ya.. I have PTSD from a Narcissist Father that would brain wash me, played head games and beat me up until I turned 18 yr. Old, and I to blamed myself for my dad's ragged against me. But it wasn't my fault it was totally his problem. Don't beat yourself up, you will some day heal you PTSD and learn to live it better, because you learn how to better it. And it seems to me that your wife feels remorse what is doing to you, I hope you get help for the both of you, to be better in life. God Bless you both, my dad never got the help he needed. He died 2010, I am trying to figure out what I can do for my problems from the past. Janet

[isin13955 in reply to Silentrider60]

Hi Janet thank you for your heartfelt reply. I will reply more fully later. Iain

[isin13955 in reply to Silentrider60]

Hi Janet thank you for your heartfelt reply. I will reply more fully later. Iain