A burden

[Rycbar2011]

For the past week or two, I have been feeling pretty low but hiding it like a boss (I have developed a great skill in doing this over the years). The lockdown has found my mood peaking and troughing even more than usual and I did not think that could be possible. I don't take any medication but the doctor gave me some sleeping pills a couple of days before everything changed.

I cant talk about it to anyone really. At this time everyone is struggling so I feel guilty about feeling bad. Whenever I try to broach any subject with my family I end up feeling worse. My close friends have lost people to Covid so I would not want to burden them. At work, I am quite a high achiever so I could not risk anyone finding out about my difficulties - it is hard enough trying to prove myself as an autistic person (another thing I hide expertly). If they were to suspect I had MH problems, they would find the first reason to let me go. Sadly, I have been in that situation before.

Online information is not very helpful. It mostly consists of helplines and I do not speak on the phone, ever. Webchat is quite specialised and aimed at specific groups, the demographics of which I do not fit. Asynchronous methods are not as effective when there is suicidal ideation involved. I am terrified of my doctor, besides being unsure of the protocol regarding consultations these days. Being unsure of a thing is enough to paralyze me into inaction.

I dunno. I just have the urge to splurge I guess. It is exhausting keeping it together when all i really want to do is fall entirely apart.

[Hidden]

Well u came to the right place because everyone here is amazing n very helpful and caring.

We all have different med issues but we all try to help another.

I understand some of your struggles as i have a very dear friend with autism n know all too well that the world can be unkind.

I hope u find this forum n people to be helpful and u stick around.😁

[Hidden]

Make a list of how you feel and explain the problems you have now, it may be an idea to phone the Surgery and make an appointment, take your list with you and use that, you could even let the Doctor read it to himself so He can approach you and give advice

You have people here that will listen and possibly advise.

Sleeping tablets are only ideal for short periods of time and can have an affect that continues through the morning so you really need medications that relax you and let you get on with your work. You have been on this site before 2018 ??

BOB

[Rycbar2011 in reply to Hidden]

I have two profiles and my phone signs me in to whichever one it feels like intermittently. I haven't used this one for a long time. Besides, I am a lurker- I read but rarely write cos I have no meaningful opinion to offer.

My surgery is closed except to those patients who go through successful triage on the phone. Since I can't use the phone I am stuck.

I'm OK just now though - my mood is at its pointy peak. I don't need any sleep at all and I am getting through loads of work. If the doctor were to see me now it would be difficult for me to articulate my low times as a couple of days feels like a lifetime ago now.

Thank you for all replies.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are at the beginning of a long journey, you need help no matter what the situation is in Society in general.

It may be you could write a note and drop it off at the Surgery, explain what you have written here, you could ask the surgery to contact you when the Doctor has written about you and given you an appointment.

We have a telephone I never use it, I cannot show patience on the phone. My Wife make my appointments and looks after my med. She contacts and makes appointment on the Surgery internet site, so you do not need to contact direct on the phone.

Give the Internet a go and see how you get on.

BOB