Hello void

[Raptorvelo]

Hi I'm Jon. I've suffered with depression and anxiety for most of my life and I'm finding most antidepressants aren't shifting the lows anymore, so I decided to come off them. Would love to say I'm ok but I'm not. The lack of friends and lonliness are dragging me down even though I have an amazing wife and kids. Anywhose...

[Hidden]

Be strong and love yourself, spend your energy and time doing something you love to do, music, massage or reading. Google Mindful meditation youtube Hope that helps

[HeartLove2]

Hey, Jon. Good to hear from you. We are here with you. Really promise, you are not alone. Going of meds can be tricky (done that), especially if ya dropped it immediately. Tell me more...

[Raptorvelo in reply to HeartLove2]

Thank you. I've come off them a few times in 15 years of taking them, but always gone back on them within 3-6 months. I've mostly used citalopram but towards end of last year it just wasn't touching the moods, so the Dr shifted me on Setreline (I know it's spelt differently !) but I didn't noticed any improvement. I was them on metrizine which made me like a zombie so I just came off them and that's where I am now - I've been 'clean' for 2 months, and, probably unsurprisingly I'm having a few bad days. I didn't get back in touch with the Dr out of frustration and the current Covid crisis - it's really hard to get an appointment. At the same time I'm waiting on referred CBT but i've been waiting for over 3 months so....kinda feel forgotten.

[HeartLove2 in reply to Raptorvelo]

Hey Raptorvelo,

What's up with you today? What's a Saturday look like in your world?

I should find a cognitive-behavioral therapist near me. We recently moved so I am creating a new medical team in Florida. I wonder if I can help get you connected while I get myself connected. I'll direct message you for more thoughts to share.

I love the remarks that Tommothy shared in reply. One great friend can change your world!!! An adult who loves you unconditionally rocks your world. I don't find that with my husband, he cannot relate and we don't speak the same language. It's something that I need, companionship with someone who can understand all my big emotions.

I think there are also unspoken pressures once you're inside a family unit. The role of husband / father has many unspoken assumptions.

[Raptorvelo in reply to HeartLove2]

Hi. Feel free to msg me. I'm in a similar situation - my wife has and is supportive but can't relate and I know my moods and inabilities to tackle things she takes for granted can frustrate her. Building up friendship networks when you are crippled by social phobia is very difficult.

My Saturday is going ok so far - ome of the better days! Hope you are well too.

[Kevash in reply to Raptorvelo]

Yeh know what you mean about being forgotten I think during this whole coronavirus I’ve been contacted once by my care-co ordinator

And when you said about being dictated by your illness I totally get that

[tommothytompkins]

Hi Jon, I have suffered from depression since I was 13. Done the same, been in antidepressants on and off for years and found they weren't working anymore. I came off them 8 months ago. I know lots of people and they would class themselves as my friends but I still feel lonely. I started going to mindfulness classes and found they helped but since lock down they've been on hold. If you find things you enjoy your mind will be elsewhere and less focused on the loneliness. I really don't think there is an answer for loneliness, you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. You really only need one or two people you can really connect and totally be yourself with. These people might not be your wife and kids. I find people who have also suffered anxiety and depression are the best at these times because you don't have to pretend to be something your not. Reaching out on groups like this is good though, because chances are there will be others like you who are going through exactly the same thing.

[Raptorvelo in reply to tommothytompkins]

I think the loneliness is the biggest issue. I had a lot of good friends during school years but I let them drift away after life got serious with marriage and children. I've never built up those relationships again. My interests are for the most part solitary ones - painting, reading, video gaming - and I work with just a few other people. Distractions work for a bit but I just know that that's what they are 'distractions'. The minute I stop doing an activity I'm back to being inside my head, locked inside with worries and phobias. Thank you for replying, it is nice to have the interaction

[tommothytompkins in reply to Raptorvelo]

Its funny because I have the same interests, painting and reading, both of these resulted in making new friends. I joined an art group to get ideas as I was bored and needed inspiration. When I stopped going I lost touch with a lot of the people. I joined a book club too but again once you stop going you tend to lose touch with those people. It depends on what you want the 'friend' for? I volunteer at a local food bank, its only a few hours a week but I have found the people I have met there I have stayed in touch with. There are agency workers and other volunteers. They come from a variety of backgrounds. I know we share similar values, wanting to help people being one of them. It doesn't take up much of my time but I get a lot out of it. Also, you are not aware you are making friends if that makes sense? I think children makes friends easily but as we get older its a lot harder to do without putting the effort in. If you find something that allows interaction with others but without the pressures you might find that the friendship comes along naturally. Also I joined a group on facebook of people who have issues with depression, sounds awful, but its not, people go on and get stuff off their chest and when the lock down is over we're planning get togethers. I think the majority of people don't get the 'lonely' thing but nearly everyone I've met who suffers depression does. Maybe we're aware of our moods and at the very time we need people around us is the very same time we lock ourselves away for fear of how we'll be perceived. Like I said you can be surrounded by people but still feel lonely, the loneliness stems from our brain and how we think/overthink things. Interaction on a deeper level is what we all strive for.

[Raptorvelo in reply to tommothytompkins]

You make a lot of sense hopefully I'll get to the point where I'm comfortable joining some such groups.

[tommothytompkins in reply to Raptorvelo]

Hi again, sorry when I read that back I made it sound so blase, go to a group and make friends. I realise its not straight forward. When I was at my worst I struggled to leave the house.

Being on a site like this, putting it out there how you feel - you realise there are lots of people who feel the same way. As heartlove 2 said about her partner, he can't relate and they don't talk the same language. I've found this to be the case with most people I've met who don't have mental health problems. When you struggle with mental health I think you see the world differently. Small things others brush off are major issues to me. I am always questioning friendships and analysing what people say and how they are around me. Its sometimes so exhausting I spend days not talking to anyone other than immediate family. Do you have anyone you can confide in? Feel free to message me anytime, I have walked a similar path, citalopram, sertraline and then nothing for 8 months so get how you are probably feeling

[Raptorvelo in reply to tommothytompkins]

I don't have anyone close I confide in really - i've always bottled things up and lived 'within' myself, which I know isn't healthy. I totally get the 'seeing the world differently' angle- my wife is so confident and an excellent speaker, whereas I hate phoning people and get really anxious about social situations. I'm constantly thinking worse case scenario! It is helpful chatting through this though, even if it's just over the internet, so thank you for bending an ear to hear me moan If you need to chat you are more than welcome to message me too - I doubt I can offer solutions but I can listen. Take care. Jon

[tommothytompkins in reply to Raptorvelo]

Its a shame you don't have anyone close. Bottling stuff up is bound to happen if you don't have anyone to vent to. The trouble with keeping stuff in is you are going to think worse case scenario - by discussing it with someone else the issue loses its power. I do exactly the same, at the very time I need to talk to someone I bottle my feelings up and then it becomes a much bigger issue in my head. When I eventually calm down and I mention it to anyone else they always give the 'oh I am here for you call me whenever' line. They probably are but I don't feel like they are if that makes sense? When I say to someone i'll always have your back and you can count on me, I mean it, its not a throwaway comment.

I feel the same, I probably can't offer solutions but ill always listen. I like to think I am a good listener and I think talking stuff through can lead to you working out what you need to do. Its like counselling, they never tell you what to do but by talking stuff out you realise yourself.

Like they say, its good to talk. Don't suffer alone. Msg anytime you feel like it, even if its to say nothing other than you're struggling. There aren't solutions - but knowing someone else cares & who has felt/is feeling the same gives me comfort

[Hidden]

For me..finding good distraction methods really helps me to deal with my severe depression.My anxiety isnt a huge issue but still annoying.

No medication ever really helped me 100%..just think it covered it like a bandaid,so thats when i decided to find my own solutions.Me finding those solutions on my own with knowing my body has made a huge difference but again not a cure n i do get super bad days but ..just having those tools in my toolbox helps alot.

[PrairieVillage]

Hi.

I truly understand the darkness of depression.

I’ve suffered from it most of my life too. Antidepressants didn’t me.. just made me feel like a zombie. I had taken so many different kinds and with bad side effects. Coming off theses drugs can be worse than the actual depression itself, so please come off very slowly. There are many new cutting edge therapies out there now such as MDMA therapy which has just been approved by the FDA. I’ll go into more of these for you if your interested. How I finally found relief 2 years ago was when I was in a deep, major depression and I could barely function or get out of bed. I happened to watch a documentary on a Netflix called A LEAF OF FAITH about a natural herb treatment called Kratom. The film told of how Kratom had helped people with many different mental and physical problems and with major panic and depression. So I bought some Bali Kratom at a local smoke shop.( it can also be purchased online) I started taking it in capsule form 2 pills every 5 hours for a few days and my depression lifted. This was truly a miracle for me. I also recommended it to 2 other friends with major depression and they found it had the same effect and their depression lifted. Also Kratom will help withdrawals from antidepressants enormously.

I hope you’ll try it and watch the Netflix doc. I hate it when I hear of anyone feeling the horrible pain of depression.

Please don’t believe any negative things you might read about Kratom.. there is NO truth in these claims.

This leaf has saved my life.

I truly wish you the best and you are not alone. ❤️ I promise. I know So well that lonely, bleak feeling and you can always contact me and know that there are Many other people this site who care and will be there for you. Please remember that the way you’re feeling is not the truth. It’s depression that is distorting your thinking.

Much love, Margaret