Worried about the ending

[oshb5]

Hello All

First of all I hope you are all doing as well as can be expected under these conditions.

Right im on a load of meds from Oxycodone to warfarin and various in-between around 14 monthly and the odd 1-3 meds at intervals as they run out such as my Coro nitrate spray for my angina. As for my anxiety and mood I have been on various over the tears and until around just over a year ago I was on 45mg Mirtazapine but id built up a resistance to this. So both my psychiatrist and Psychological COG councillor said I needed more, So after them both and my doc got together I am now on 30mg Mirtazapine and 50mg Sertraline which has seamed to help. That was until all this lot with Corvid-19 started..

You see as long as iv had my mental issues the main one is of me being trapped and the air running out such as in a cave or just trapped in a confined space like a lift or such as even waking up inside a buried coffin and all the things along those lines it was so awful i hardly slept for years . So much so that Iv always told the doctors or any professional person iv seen that I know how im going to pass and its always been with me gasping for breath or unable to breath. Now like Iv said the concoction of meds had helped a little over the last year with that and even though I now managed to drop of sometimes it was now however on the sofa downstairs. This being due to me talking, screaming, laughing to even having full blown conversations whilst starting to or actually getting to sleep. Along with the vocal aspects there is also the physical side of which jerking punching and kicking takes place. Im worse on my back but our sofa is comfy which is ok..

However now the covid-19 is hear im back to non stop being able to relax or sleep that is till im so exhausted i just drop off Iv seen what it does to you and how you end up and its just brought all my fears to a head with how iv told the people I see about how I feel im going to pass and its everything this virus does. And then with the New York governor saying on tv the other night that in not so many words he was not going to sugar coat it and that if you went on a ventilator then your chances of coming off diminished more by the day you spent on so was doing everything they could to keep from putting you on one. So to me this almost read as though going on a ventilator was as much a (well you know what I mean without saying it dont you). So with every ache, pain, headache, sniffle or cough I panic like hell its awful at this time in life w

Yes I may as well have to stay in but my wife has to shop. My daughter who has a birthday shortly has not seen her boyfriend of 5 years since the start of all this as he is worried for me. At least she is working from home. Also she is on her last weeks of her notice but has not heard anything from her new employer as of yet so she is worrying about that. which is also adding to my worrying.

So all in all im in a right state at the moment and cannot get to see anyone that matters at all. Iv just got the feeling that I will get to see someone but at a time which will be to late.

Regards Osh .

[Hidden]

I hope you pull through this situation, remember your subconscious brain affects your health and stress generally lowers immunity - visualise your body healing helps, envisage the body getting stronger - it actually works and makes you mentally and physically stronger. I pray that you get through this time.

[Livetotravel]

This is such a stressful time, i have had really terrifying thoughts about it all too, lately I have been limiting my news reading to twice a day just to get the facts otherwise it just sends me down a rabbit hole I don’t want to go down. Take care.

[oshb5 in reply to Livetotravel]

I was watching the news quite a lot over the first month and a half But as soon as the people passing got above 250 and i learned of a case within 4 mile I also started to limit my viewing and interaction on some of the news sites. As I said my wife calls me Doom & Gloom and says she dont think its going to get as bad as everyone thinks.. I just said if the US is dropping 2 trillion dollar and us 7 billion £ and you see everywhere being made into make shift hospitals or morgues Then it is not done if it might not get that bad IT will get that bad otherwise they would not offer that amount of money that they could no where near afford it. It will be cap in had to china again like all the other country's. Then you wonder why they say that China engineered all of this? If they called in all their debts then the world would belong to them

Yes sometimes my mind runs away with stuff

[Livetotravel in reply to oshb5]

Your wife sounds like my husband, LOL, I have been down that very same rabbit hole, trust me! However, Italy is now seeing an improvement from the lockdown, the peak is real and then it does go down, the next few weeks will be tough, but then we will see a decline. As for China, they can be dealt with once this is over, currently, unfortunately, all countries need their supplies hence the lack of world criticism. Stay strong!