WILL I NEVER LEARN...???

[En1234]

I have been in my job now for just over 7 months. It was a role that I really enjoyed when I first started and when I was in the office I was the only one there. The other secretary they had left but she left under a cloud and I was told some awful things about her. The girl who did the accounts was off on long-terms sick but I was really looking forward to her return so that I could have some company. She has now only been back in the office now just over one month and I cannot help but think that the whole office dynamic has totally changed. My bosses who couldn't do enough for me now speak down to me and if I don't do something quick enough there is a lot of huffing and puffing. This other girl is only in for 4 hours per day and is off every Friday. In the 4 hours that she is there, she spends time chatting to her husband, mother (who also pops in and out of the office), friends on her mobile and if any of the clients come in 9 times out of 10 it is her who talks to them for ages. I get that she is just back and people are welcoming her and I know it sounds childish but its as though I am being shoved to one side,I am now all of a sudden being criticised for the smallest thing and she can do no wrong. When the boss is out of the office she tells me what everyone is like and is quite 2-faced about certain people. I was taken in by her at first but now I have a feeling that she is going behind my back to my boss as my boss is being really short with me and this is not like her. I made a massive boob at work the other day and my 2 bosses really hauled me over the coals. I would have been happy to accept this but I did what I thought was right (without going into too much detail) and didn't realise it was actually wrong. I was given a right earbashing over the phone first before I finished on Wednesday night and nothing was said to me the following day. We were all going for our Xmas lunch and I felt sick with worry because I could feel the underlying tension around the table and I knew it was my fault. I was right to worry as I was taken into the office by my 2 bosses and they spoke to me. I was trying really hard not to cry but I am an emotional person, but my female boss said "Don't start effing crying.... I cant do effing crying!!"".... I just tried to stay really composed and listened, then said my piece and got on with my work but you can still sense the atmosphere. I am going to work this morning with a really heavy heart and have been here before, it is horrible. When I first started I was the best thing since sliced bread and now I have no confidence and am dreading going in today. If they knew how things were before I started and what had happened to me beforehand, what it took to actually get to the point I am at today...??

Thanks for reading this!! XXXXXXX

[Hidden]

Sorry you are having problems at work. It seems like the other Woman is toxic and talks out of line to those around you in the Office.

You seem to have decisions to make, all I can suggest is, if the position does not suit leave.

However take into consideration it is always easier to find a new job if you are working so do not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

BOB

[En1234 in reply to Hidden]

I am so sorry Bob, I forget that because I am a typist I can type 90 words per minute hence the reason my posts are so long. I type at the same speed I have thoughts!!". You have been a good friend to me this year. I wish you, your good lady and PAX a great Xmas and New Year and remember the next time you are in Scotland to give me a call!. XXX

[Hidden in reply to En1234]

All the very best for Christmas and New Year, I hope you all have a a wonderful time

BOB, Hazel and Pax

XXX

[Dolphin14]

Work dynamics are unbelievable. I'm confused on what happened here.

There's dysfunctional dynamics most everywhere. If you really aren't happy then look around. Life is too short and a lot of our life is spent at work. We have to be somewhat happy.

[En1234 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks for your post and sorry if I've confused you. I wish sometimes I was one of those people who just didn't care, maybe I would get on better. I am sick of people telling me that I am "over sensitive", "am too hard on myself" and the best one is "you need to cut yourself some slack". I cant help the way I am. Maybe I am a perfectionist now because when I was growing up I was the kid who was always criticised and when this happens you do feel that when you are praised its like getting a blessing from the pope!!......From now on I will be me, just me. I am a good person.. I would love to have a friend like me! (Sorry, this sounds so big headed but I am trying to be realistic here!!).. XXX

[Dolphin14 in reply to En1234]

It sounds perfect. Because I'm sure you are a wonderful person.

I grew up in a home like that. It's hard to see your self worth. Being a perfectionist started young with me as a way to stay under the radar at home. If I did everything right I wouldn't be criticized. But, they always found something to say anyway.

I got praise in my job also. Made me feel great.

Now that we know where the root of the problem came from. We can learn how wrong the words were. Put those words to rest and just "be"

[Stillgoing1066]

I when through the same at a hotel in Stratford just checking it’s not the same place

Try speaking to HR they have a duty of care for mental health

[En1234]

I thank you for posting your messages. I feel actually quite proud of myself this morning. I went into work yesterday and as soon as my 2 bosses walked in I said "Good morning!", as if it was just any other normal day!! Nothing was mentioned about the day before but I was offered coffee, which I accepted with a smile, I was asked what I was doing for Christmas, all very nice. I thought from now on, just watch what your saying, be nice, be professional and just do a good job. I looked around my office yesterday and thought about the mess it was in before I arrived and talked myself through all the changes I had made and the smooth running of the office and the fact that the office is more streamlined is ALL down to me and the systems I put in place to make it the place it is today. Do I want to leave now, throw in the towel after all that hard work and walk out leaving it all for someone else to take over (all MY hard work), Hell NO!!

The other girl has only just been back 2 months. She is only there for 4 days out of the week for 4 hours per day. If I have my lunch between 1 and 2, then I only have to work with her for 3 hours per day. I will be pleasant but will keep my distance from now on and if she decides she wants to talk about people I will either stay silent and listen or just change the subject but will NOT allow myself to be dragged into this. I have worked damn hard to get to where I am today and I am not giving it up for anyone. The last 7 months have been excellent with no problems at all (probably because I have been on my own and running the place single handedly)... The last 2 months have been a bit weird but it maybe is just because the other girl has come back. I have been very welcoming to her so will not say that maybe its my fault she is feeling a bit out of place but its NOT my fault. I have done nothing to make her feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, yesterday my boss even took me for a mulled wine (just the 2 of us), so maybe, without saying so, she has given some thought to this as well.

Feeling a lot better!! XXXXX

[Sunshine425]

Isnt it crazy how much a dymamic can change, even with just 1 person. I dealt with this sort of thing at my old job. I didnt handle stress very well... and it was hard to be in an environment where I felt I was being treated unfairly. Unfortunetly many woman love to be chatty and gossip in the work place. You Just have to show up and smile and do the best you can at the job. As long as I know Im doing my best I dont have to worry. I know im doing alright. I treat others with kindness and try not to assume people are talking about me. When I assume everyone is against me it causes me to have a negative outlook..and a bad attitude about things... then others can tell Im not feeling happy. So I just do my best and hope each day will get better. and after 8 hrs I get to go home and do things that bring me joy. 👍😁