OH DEAR!! HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!

[En1234]

So after having left a job in December 2017 because of a toxic workmate, I took on 2 jobs which were not for me and couldn't believe my luck when I managed to bag what I thought was my dream job. I thought I had learned a very harsh lesson in my last place and vowed that I would keep myself to myself and if I made any friends then I would just watch what I was saying and not give too much away. So far so good!! I was welcomed wholeheartedly and at the end of my 3 months probation I was told I was doing a grand job and was welcomed to stay.

I made a friend in the receptionist, who was very kind to me and introduced me to places to eat and other people in the firm. Over time this woman actually made me feel very uncomfortable. Sometimes she would come onto the office floor and talk to other folk, ignore me but then send me endless text messages at night?? Gradually (it all happened very slowly) I started making other friends within the Firm and I felt this woman was annoyed at me for doing this. It was as though I "belonged" almost, to her and that the others were her friends and not mine and how dare I make other friends outside of her?? Then other things started to happen when she would come down at lunch time and make a point of speaking to others and leaving me out altogether. I asked her if I had done something to offend her and she said no... But still continued with this behaviour. Gradually, I could feel my confidence waning, I didn't realise how much she was affecting me and my ability to do my job, I couldn't concentrate on anything I was doing because I was thinking about her coming down to sit in our group at lunchtime. She sat right opposite me. It was as though she was obviously goading me in front of the others although I did not rise to is. The other girls in the group could clearly see what was happening but did nothing. When she was there, they stopped speaking to me too, but as soon as she disappeared, it was all clear and they could speak to me again. This made me feel awful and really disappointed in them.

I spoke to the HR department and they were not very helpful. I was dreading going in in the morning and eventually couldn't take it and left. That was one month ago. I have had one interview and I didn't get the job. I was supposed to have an interview today and this has been cancelled until next week. I don't know what I have done to deserve this. On the one hand I didn't say too much but made the wrong choice of person to call a friend. Although everyone thinks she is such a nice person?? Have I just seen a different side to her or maybe there is something wrong with me??

Other things have been happening with my son and the atmosphere in the house is quite stale. I don't feel I have the support of my family or my "friends". I have spent at least one week and a half under a duvet as I am falling into that mindset where I feel, I just don't see the point. The only reason I got up today was because I thought I had an interview today and I am gutted that this has been cancelled.

I am beginning to wonder if I even should be here. People keep telling me to be patient and that something else will come up but I feel really scared and think maybe I should just have put up with the bullying because I don't know what feels worse today!!!

[hypercat54]

Hi En of course you should be here so get yourself up and out. It sounds like a very nasty experience in your last job and I am wondering if you need to work on setting better boundaries? This woman obviously makes it her place to befriend any new people there which tells you a lot. She will have done this to other new people too, that's a certainty.

When I moved to my current area many years ago there was a woman who became very pally with me and we became bestie mates quickly. She introduced me to people and showed me the area. Over time though I discovered she was a scab and once people saw through her she moved on to the next person. I saw through her in time but she had made another best friend, another newbie in the area who was lovely and who had become my good friend too. She kept inviting my new friend out with just the two of them which my friend would tell me about so I invited myself with them! My old friend completely ignored me but I ignored her too. Eventually my new friend fell out with the other one too as she slagged her off behind her back like she had with me. So we moved on and are still best buddies. I did shed a few tears over my original friend though as she did upset me.

If the girls at lunch knew what was going on then not everyone thought she was a good person, though I have learnt that others mind their own business and don't want to get involved which I can understand to be honest. They don't need hassle any more than you do.

Life is a learning curve and you are not the only one to be taken in by people like that, so pick yourself, learn your lessons, and move on. x

[Stilltrying_]

Sending hugs and sorry about your disapointment today. I'm not well myself so my answer is brief but I'm thinking of you and always remember what a lovely person you truly are and folks that can't see that are just missing out on one of life's nicest souls. xxxx Gemma xx

[En1234 in reply to Stilltrying_]

I love you so much Gemma... I did try....

[Stilltrying_ in reply to En1234]

Women at work can be very bitchy so when you are ready maybe look up some videos on boundary setting. You shouldn't have to in an ideal world but for self protection you need to learn how to handle these situations so you don't keep coming off the worse as you are now. It isn't right that the truly lovely person (You!) who is kind and honest and open is the one who loses but I guess like me the skills of self protection need to be learned so we don't keep getting hurt over and over.

I hope you're feeling a little better. Take a day at a time. I'm sure you'll get another job soon but also when the dust settles and if you have time look up those videos or see a counsellor who can help you with your confidence in these situations.

Hugs xxxx