I sometimes wonder if there is actually a God and he is taking the mickey out of me. Having had left a place of employment in December 2017, I took on 3 more jobs. The first one was in a large firm of Solicitors and could not understand why they would want me in the first place so low was my confidence at the time. The hours were great, the benefits were great not to mention the pay was great..Of course it was too good to be true??!!. I have since been told that I had suffering from a thing called "Imposter Syndrome" where you THINK people think you are a fraud and that of course I would NEVER be good at a job like this....cant imagine why they would want ME?? It would only be a matter of time before someone found me out for the fraud that I was?? I didnt realise this was quite common for people starting new jobs. So from there I went on and took 2 more disasterous positions in Call Centres which, when I left, I because I couldnt do it and so this really did knock my confidence for 6 too. Having then last week I thought my life was so bad, I felt as low as I have ever been, I got so drunk that my big lad couldnt wake me up. I spent the night in hospital "sleeping it off" and then felt the shame of having to get a taxi home (like I was doing the walk of shame), the following day. I had to go to my GP on Friday morning where I told her I was so tired and all I wanted to do was sleep. The idea of going to the Job Centre was making me feel sick and I just wanted to get back to me. The hardworking me that is happiest at work and doing the job I love doing best.
Lo and behold when I got home I received a telephone call from an agency to say they had a company of Solicitors in Glasgow City Centre who were looking to hire a Legal Secretary for one of the Partners of the Firm. They had been given my CV and were very impressed however,I was very apprehensive but said OK I would go to the interview even if it was just to get out of the house!!..
My interview lasted just under 2 hours yesterday and the Solicitor I would have been working for came in and introduced himself, told me about the job role etc, and we just clicked!! We had a bit of a chat and I said it was lovely to have met him. When the interview ended I went back to the train station to go home and I had no sooner sat on the train buy my phone rang and it was the company calling to offer me the job. Never in my wildest dreams was I expecting that!!
I start on Monday. My Job Title is Secretary to the Commercial Partner and I will also have 2 University Graduates working alongside me and my job apparently is to also keep them in line as well as show them the ropes with regards to filing etc. I cannot wait for Monday as I am so looking forward to it. Today is the first morning I have not woken up with heart palpitations and have slept really well. I, at last, feel as though my life is back in control and I can see a future for me and Ewen. My holidays are great, I have a good pension again, I have Private Health Care and wages I thought I could only dream of. (They are going to be paying me even more than the first office I went to). I can honestly say that walking into the office felt like going home. The building is right in the heart of Glasgow City Centre and is a big smokey glass building with lifts, big leafy plants and a concierge. The atmosphere outside is great and there are street artists and buskers (who CAN sing) and its very cosmopolitan. I feel so lucky!!
I have spent the last couple of weeks slagging off God and asking Him why is He doing this to me and what had I done that was so bad ?? Now I can see that it was ALL part of some bigger picture. I think I can safely say I have found my faith again. (Even had my mum on the phone last night making her amends too). Right now life if good and I intend to keep it that way. I fell as though I have been given a second chance and boy am I going to make the most of it.
Looking forward to getting up later, throwing on my running gear and going for a good long run. Really do have a spring in my step today!!
Love to you all!!
Theresa XXX
XXXXXXX
Back to basics
Will I get strong again?
Oh dear,..here we go again!
