Mentle health illnesses, strengths, finding straight relationships 😃.

[mmmmmmmmmmmm]

Hi to every one in this group and wider. I am a Mentle health sufferer and also a NEAD sufferer too. I am not proud of this fact but this is because I am a genuine sufferer that main stream society mostly challenges me about this. I have to fight for my rights most of the time. Just recently I challenged what has a mistake, but if I don't who do this for me, us ?. My Mentle health life gives me strengths that I otherwise would not have, being ill is not all bad it brings some good characteristics out of us too

I am a genuine guy who wants to find a good straight relationship. I find that my illnesses find this very hard to find . Any suggestions ?

[Stilltrying_]

Have you tried a disability dating forum? I have heard some good things about them and what you have amounts to a disability albeit it partly mental and partly physical. Hope this helps.

[mmmmmmmmmmmm in reply to Stilltrying_]

That's for that suggestion. I see no idea has a bad one 😃

[Hidden]

Attend Mental Health Day Centres, you will find people there who will suffer mental health problems and give support. However, personally I do not see why you should restrict yourself to a Disability, the secret basically is to try and meet people with similar interests. as yourself.

Try dating Agencies, there are many out there who specialise in various interests. you may be surprised how many people will have the same interests that you have

BOB

[mmmmmmmmmmmm in reply to Hidden]

That's also a good suggestion. I have tried a few dating apps but no good in my experience. Not tried dating agencies. Also it is a good point about finding someone from interests. I fibd interests hard to maintain. I do mix with people with and without disabilities. I suggest that this is something that is a positive thing to do

[Hidden]

Im a freakin disaster from head to toe mentally n physically so I get where ur coming from. Its hard having relationships with anyone. I feel theres someone for everyone. Im a big believer in fate.. timing. You never know where u might meet that special someone. In the past I would meet a lot of people in hospitals, PT n etc..... and believe it or not they couldn't deal with me and all my med stuff n they were in the medical field.. crazy huh. When u don't look u find.. just be u. I wish u the best

[mmmmmmmmmmmm in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply I really appreciate it. Only people in our position seem to get it. If I speak to friends about it I get the macho statements or just find someone like it is just that easy.

[wallflower_fairy]

Hello

Yes my advice would be to just go with the flow with regard to dating. I am a disabled lass myself and I used to worry about whether I would have a relationship. I would get frustrated about my disabilities holding me back from dating, especially as people my age seemed to be coupling up, and doing so with ease. But I eventually stopped worrying about it and saw it as less of an issue. I hadn't given up on the idea but I just thought if it doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world. I was invested in my friendship group, who I sort of see as a little family anyway, and building a sense of self which was enough to nourish me emotionally. I enjoyed my own company.

I then meet a lovely young man completely unexpectedly. It was very romantic.

We are now a couple. I wouldn't say we were the most conventional couple. We both suffer with our mental health as well as long term pain for one reason or another, and it would be lie to say that that hasn't put a strain on the relationship - which it did from very early on as we were both in a vulnerable place when we first met, and continue to both face challenges. But we were strong enough to persevere because we liked each other and felt a strong connection. We were able to be open with each other, and negotiate boundaries. We are now closer than ever. We support each other through difficult times and are able to recognise when we need to take a break. I would say it's brought us closer.

I think meeting new people and building solid friendships is important for developing confidence and will set you in good stead for meeting a romantic partner. So find something you like doing and enjoy getting to know people, and getting to know yourself, as you can learn from everyone you meet. Don't put pressure on yourself to find someone...

It's also really interesting (and sad) that you suffer from NEAD (which for other people reading is Non Epileptic Attack Disorder). I came across this poorly understand condition myself when I was trying to research what might be happening with my memory. I haven't suffered from an obvious attack, or experienced any obvious gaps in my memory, but things weren't adding up. I was getting a lot of inconsistencies in my memory about where I put belongings, for instance. It was very scary and made me feel very vulnerable - as it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I wondered whether it could be Somnambulic Epilepsy (which I've found little information on but people can be having a fit and appear to function normally while not being aware of their behaviour) and whether I could having very short "absent" seizures that I, or those around me, weren't aware were happening. I know it might sound a bit extreme to consider but I suffer with Autism which can make Epilepsy in general more likely.

But then I came across the term "Dissociative Seizure" and it opened up a new door of possible causes for me. I have suffered a lot of accumulative, long term trauma so feel this could be likely. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I also have a lot of the characteristics which make people more vulnerable to developing the condition, such as chronic illness (Fibromyalgia).

I don't really fit all that neatly into the box for a typical NEAD episode. But I know they can vary and what I describe above isn't unheard of in it either...

I could also fit the criteria for Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) 4 "dissociative trance" and it could even be the same condition as they present similarly and have the shared cause of trauma/stress. I'm probably closer to the latter though as a diagnosis of NEAD would intuitively warrant a more typical looking seizure, and OSDD(4) a more "absent" episode. They are still looking into it and want to rule out anything medical.

I just wanted to say... I'm aware of your condition and you have my sympathy. It's hard to live with especially with so many people's ignorance. Do feel free to share more as I'm sure we can all benefit from being educated, especially from someone with first hand experience.

Xx

[mmmmmmmmmmmm in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Thank you so much for your very full and detailed reply. I really appreciate the time you took in writing this. My illness's brings out strengths in me. Indeed I think all genuine people with illnesses are strong has they need to be to live with any illness that they live with on a day to day basis. My NEAD for example, I challenged an organisation for discrimination. Not for any financial reward but for them to change. In our position I find that this is the only way to bring reasonable change. This I achieved. First time I have felt I have to do it. It was a challenge for me and left me feeling more isolated. Everyone with my disability would not be able to do this for one reason or another but this does not make them weak or unintelligent. All of us have skills and strengths. I am a strong believer in learning and with my knowledge I feel like I need to use this for positive reasons. I would say hi anyone learn about hour disability and any discrimination issue. Although it is a bit of a double edged sword knowledge for me has it highlights things that I get wound up about I believe that the more knowledge we have the better informed we are to challenge others and just grow has a person.