Hi I think I have depression but I don’t know if I’m over reacting, I’ve had multiple thoughts about sucided it’s to the point where I think about it daily. I’ve even attempted it. I’m always tired and angry and irritated with everyone, but the part I don’t understand is that I’ll get in certain moods where I feel unstoppable and have high self confidence that mood will last about a couple hours and then sink back down to me feeling like 💩 poo and worthless. I’ve recently started bingeing, purging, starving, and even self harm and it’s addictive but Im currently trying to stop.
What I also don’t understand is that this “depression” will go away for a couple weeks and even months. During those months I feel great I do good in school and I actually get good grades and make lots of friends. And when the “depression” comes back I feel terrible and extremely lazy like I don’t want to do anything, I start to feel distant from my family and friends, even my teachers will start to notice.
Once my anxiety blew up and I broke down crying and didn’t stop for about two hours (during school). I thought I had seasonal depression but my “depression” comes back a random times. Sometime it’ll last for weeks and even months.
It’s been about three or four months since the “depression phase” has started and I don’t know how to stop it. Sometimes I’ll get angry at everything even puppies and rainbows. I so sad because I keep telling my siblings I hate them and I wish they didn’t exist, I’m basically bullying them and I don’t know how to stop IM SICK OF PRETENDING LIKE IM OKAY IM SICK OF WEARING A FAKE SMILE AND MASK.
AM I CRAZY, BI POLAR, DEPRESSED OR AM I JUST OVERTHINKING. I’m really confused.