***anyone? ***** I feel lost angry and unappreciated

[Mranonamous]

Hello I'm new to this so here it goes, I'm almost 30, my fiance and her 2 daughters moved in together almost 4 and a half years ago about 2 years ago my uncle /best friend took his life, he helped my disabled uncle who he lived with which left him alone with his elderly mother, about 6 months ago, we moved in with my uncle who is wheelchair bound my ever declining grandmother and my mother who is an emotional wreck, I can't seem to keep a job I've been so overwhelmed and angry with myself and everyone around me I feel like there's no escape, I feel like I don't get a choice on my life anymore, I'm constantly trying to make everyone happy and it's hurting me inside, I don't have time for myself anymore I've given up my passions my best friend is a no save drug addict after his divorce and I so poor it wouldn't matter what passion I had I wouldn't have the time or money to do it, I feel trap, like I have no control or anything left to give, I feel dumb useless and like I'm failing my adulthood just as expected, my dad lives in the states im in Canada and stopped contacting me, my mom is angry and defensive all the time my grandmother is negative and passively aggressive angry /rude my uncle is still facing PTSD and health issues he won't face, my fiance is amazing and I love her to death but I feel like I just want to run all the time, my soon to be step daughters are amazing but fight all the time everything is a competition, were saving for a wedding next year and a house, we gave up everything we had to come help here but I'm so angry that I can't find the energy to do anything, I honestly question the point of everything of existence and what's the point, I just want to feel happy again I want my life back not being irritated by everyone around me I want to run away, go somewhere nobody knows me and start fresh where I'm not feeling this way anymore, I had a rough childhood an angry mother with addiction issues and no father in the picture, why am I so angry why am I pushing away my family in need and why do I want to run from the woman and kids I love the most?? I'm feeling so alone and lost in this purpetual misery and my doctor says I'm fine but prescribes me all kinds of anti depressants and anti psychotics and says well figure it out, I honestly am growing to hate life in general, please someone, anyone, I just want some sort of advice....

[hypercat54]

Hi I am so sorry to hear all you are going through. In reading between the lines it seems you have unresolved childhood issues with your mother and this must contribute to how you are feeling. You are not failing in your life as you are helping to care for your relatives.

To be honest though this would be enough to drive anyone to distraction so the sooner you and your partner can leave the better. Put all your efforts into this.

As for your nearly stepchildren it sounds like it's all getting to them too and I don't know how your poor fiance is managing! x

[Stilltrying_]

Hi, I'm not sure how well I can do in answering you, though I can see you are in a crisis sort of situation where everything is getting on top of you all at once.

Really truly I am not in the best of ways myself but I do hope that it has helped you to write it all out and if you look around on the site there are helplines mentioned for different countries; I understand you are in Canada and have found this link on here. shawmindfoundation.org/supp...

Life is definately not fair and some of us seem to get more than our fair share of problems. Your uncles friends (if I understand correctly?) suicide in particular must have hit you very badly as it can bring on a lot of desperate feelings in ourselves. Also you are just generally under a lot of stress. I'm wondering why the doctor is prescribing antipsychotics. Do you have a psychotic illness or is it depression with psychosis? This will make everything a lot harder for you obviously if you have an illness like this.

Its great that you have an amazing fiance and stepdaughters too though the stepdaughters also sound like a bit of a handful. I think it is natural for you to feel like running when you are under so much pressure to provide and perform as you won't have developed as much resilience as some due to not having the correct kind/amount of support as you were maturing yourself. But it does sound like it wouldn't be a good idea to run; maybe you just need an outlet somewhere where you can talk about stuff? You are most welcome on here but also maybe right now you do need one of those crisis lines.

You may have noticed from my other responses on here tonight that my brain isn't firing too well but I really feel for people when they need a response so I've tried to just help a little bit. Anyone else?

Gemma x

[Mranonamous]

Thank you both for your replies it is greatly appreciated and feels good to know someone is listening, my uncle, who lived with my other disabled uncle and mother is the one who took his life just for clarification, I think my hardest point is trying to be the strong one through so much despair, I'm very empathic which meens I feel all of their energy which is negative far more than positive, it's overwhelming! But for some reason even when I'm as lost as I am I feel compulsed to be there for them, we have a large family but only seems to be my mother myself and my fiance who helps out of a large family, which is stupid but unfortunately the way it is, as for my fiance and kids, my fiance comes from the same small town as me, and comes from an abusive relationship with the father of our two girls, she is my light and our girls 5 & 8 yo, are my world and are great kids but, like with most of these situations, come with their own set of adjustment, sorry if that's not worded properly, but with all that and moving here to help family both my fiance and I have just started new jobs, and saving fur a house and wedding, I know it can be stressful, but it's life and I'm not complaining I'm just so overwhelmed and see no exit in site, I've just been an angry mess all day today sat by myself barely said a word, I've been like this for years as far back as highschool, I do have social anxieties but more of a self diagnoses because my Doctor is a prescription happy imbecile, I'm just hoping that this explains my situation a bit more and I will further read the links provided, thank you both for the replies, I'm just hoping to find someway to takle the beast that's haunted me for years, like I said some days are worse than others but always there still regardless, thanks to all in advance!

[hypercat54]

You are welcome. Maybe it would be better for you to look into carers for your family instead? There is no law you have to do it yourself if it is making you feel like this. I know I could never have lived with my family as I would have killed them all if they didn't kill me first! x

[6ixtyon1]

The anger and anxiety you are feeling are completely normal--who wouldn't feel that way, in your situation? Are the emotional meds that your doctor is prescribing to you, helping, do you think? I was at a point, years back, where you are, now....I was offered such medications, but I couldn't see that sort of solution helping what was outside of my boundaries/control, to fix...so, I passed. I'm not saying that was the right decision, either...but, I was already on as much blood pressure medication as I could hold & the last thing I wanted was more prescriptions. You need a leg up, and at least a couple of days by yourself, to decompress. If you aren't currently working--or, your job hunt isn't panning out (my issue!)--then, maybe some breathing room is required. The trouble with taking care of people who are already ill/suffering from emotional conditions is that they aren't always in a position to help themselves...that's what I'm sensing, here...you, however, are very clear with yourself as to what's not working, and what you would like to have happen, so that you can breathe, again, and approach a clean slate--I see that as a healthy attitude! I know that so many areas are underfunded, but is it possible that there are any "respite assistance" programs (that's what they call them, in my state) who could step in for a bit, and help with your relations, so that you can plan some reasonable steps for your own new future? You already have planned a new life...what does your fiance say? Suggest? Sometimes, the ones we love the most have the answers, but are afraid to offer them, because it involves those who are not blood kin (if that makes any sense). You are a decent person, to care so much--if there are any programs out there that could look in on your ill family members, now is the time to find those programs and implement them--if not, what about websites that offer reasonable, "cleared" helpers, who are compassionate and have good safety records? I pray that you will find that help--you deserve it, and so do your loved-ones! Keep us posted! Oh, and ask your doctor--maybe they know of something, too--GOOD LUCK!

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi there,

Welcome to our supportive community. Well done for taking a brave step out of your comfort zone to reach out for help. As you have begun to find folks here are only too willing to come alongside you and share from their personal journeys and experiences. You are obviously having a difficult time right now, but I do agree with the great advice and support the other members have given to you. Well done everyone, you are, as ever, AMAZING! Be strong and ask for help from your medical professionals, there's a whole range of therapies that can help you. Do you have social services in Canada who could help you relocate to social housing with your partner and stepchildren?

In the meantime, do check out our Pinned Post section for free mental health guides, international crisis support helplines: shawmindfoundation.org/supp...

Canadian Mental Health Association:

cmha.ca/

As one of the moderators of this community, I have noticed that if a post is very long it seems to reduce the number of replies. I understand you are going through a lot but maybe focus on one or two of your most important concerns at a time, and shorten your posts. Hope this helps.

Keep your chin up, you have taken the first step in reaching out for help from this forum. Keep in touch!

Best wishes, MAS Nurse

[20Voices]

Hi,

Can I just say that you are an amazing guy for looking after all these people. You are definitely not useless or dumb. What you are is tired and overwhelmed with the responsibilities that you have. If you are surrounded by people who are angry and cynical then it will get you down. What you need is time for you and your finance and the girls. Is there anything that you can do together that gets you out. Maybe a meal or going to see a film or a sporting event. Find something that you can do to give you time away even for a few hours. Sometimes even a walk in the park for an hour or so can be so helpful.

I'd also say that you need to check and see if you can get some care support to help you out.

I hope you have found the advise from others helpful. Just know you are not alone.

Remember you are an amazing guy.

Hope you are able to find local help near you.