Fighting Depression

[Deniese67]

Hi everyone!! I see my problem is I need to live on my own!! Living with the guy I am with right now is toxic to my depression. All he does is insult me saying I'm crazy, can't hold a job, and how I don't contribute. He also goes out without me all the time, so this is not good for me. I feel once I'm on my own I should feel happier. It's just expensive on your own uuughhh.

[Hidden]

Expensive, but is it possible to you?

[Deniese67 in reply to Hidden]

I'm going to try, I have been looking!

[Hidden in reply to Deniese67]

You are in the right path then, I hope it works out for you.

[Deniese67 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you....Me too

[Hidden in reply to Deniese67]

Let us know how it goes for you.

[Deniese67 in reply to Hidden]

I certainly will

[Hidden in reply to Deniese67]

Thank you 😀

[Hidden]

If the relationship is dead and you are unhappy, because of His attitude towards you, why are you still there?.

Consider a plan where you either look for a place of your own or get rid of your problem and move on. Sometimes if a relationship has gone on for a long time, either party can become bored and get itchy feet, if this is the case like it seems, move on.

However ask yourself to see the other side of this distressing attitude that presents itself, if it is boredom caused by either party the relationship will most probably last through to retirement or beyond, if that is what is required

You have given your point of view, we do not know His side so it is difficult to know what to advise. Some people in a long relationship will feed on each other and if a breakup is on the cards you may find this problem is habit forming.

You do not contribute to living expenses, so this sounds to be a problem faced by your Partner, hence possible problems associated with your life together. Relationships are a partnership, if you are not contributing, consider any options that may help ? Remember if you move out you will need to support yourself. A free lunch can be so problematic

BOB

[Deniese67 in reply to Hidden]

Sure I know to move on but not easy to do but I'll get there on my own.

[Hidden in reply to Deniese67]

Consider an approach not tried

Look for changes that may help you both bend, to make the relationship work

In long term relationships sometimes, we need to meet each other half way. We have now been with each other for over forty years and sometimes we need to sit down and talk out our problems, if there is no give or take the relationship will die.

We all go through stressful times over time and it may be to easy to throw in the towel. We learn, marriage and Partnership are a learning time in life. Relationships mellow through time. Consider talking, it may be not broken a few changes in the way you are living together may be all that is needed Throwing in the towel can be the easy less satisfying way forward in your Relationship.

Looking back through the decades here, it may have been the easy way out leaving or divorcing. The sorting out of problems together can make us closer

BOB

[Deniese67 in reply to Hidden]

I do try and I talk to him and he seems not interested in listening, he is not affectionate, or compassionate. He drinks every night and smokes weed, he's nice to me then, but when he gets up the next day he ignores me so he's the one who needs to try more not me.

[Hidden in reply to Deniese67]

You are living with someone who is problematic to how you wish to live your life

Three or four good reasons to move on, No interests together look for someone who is out there waiting for you.

In our home we have and always had the same interests and we are very proactive in following them. That is what keeps us together. There are some differences although we do meet halfway. Relationships can be very lonely if interests clash or are none existent. For example I am not that interested in general gardening, my interest is all to do with my Orchard. We complement each each other. Any hard work we contract out, life need not be a chore

Your base life needs for both you and him need to be similar, Not in agreement, move on if relationship/ evening / night are not been fulfilled and all is important to you. Remember as the relationship becomes older these needs may fade. Consider your needs and look for someone who can feed your interests and activities

BOB

[Deniese67 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I have been looking but idk they all seem not to be what I'm looking for but I appreciate your input.

[Jaxs050783]

Actually the same situation as myself!

[Deniese67 in reply to Jaxs050783]

Really? I know it's tough

[Jaxs050783]

My wife puts me down a lot! She has abused my saving on purchasing commissioned rings, holidays, cars etc.

My property is mortgage free which I paid off and now she wants out.

I now have to live alone and I’m hoping to get dual custody of my kids

[Deniese67 in reply to Jaxs050783]

Oh No!!! I have been there with an ex husband and I was kicked out....that's a whole nother story.

[Dessertmouse58 in reply to Jaxs050783]

So sorry, some people can be so insensitive. I hope all will turn around for you. I hope you meet a better women next time.

[Jaxs050783]

Relationships can be life saving but in some circumstances it can be the cause of a lot of mental hurt!

My doctor has confirmed that the reason I have I BP is probably due to my toxic relationship.

[Deniese67 in reply to Jaxs050783]

Wow!!! He is always telling me I'm BP too idk sometimes I'm up for a while and do everything and then once a month I hide. Your right relationships can be toxic and I have been in 2. I'm sorry you experienced it too.....nightmare

[Jaxs050783 in reply to Deniese67]

I find it strange that although u live on the other side of the pond we have similar circumstances. Stay strong your a beautiful person inside and out.

[Deniese67 in reply to Jaxs050783]

Awwww thank you.....I wish the best for you too

[Jaxs050783]

Keep us updated and like wise

[Dessertmouse58]

You May be feeling depressed due your circumstances, by not having a steady job, etc. many times as in the case of your boyfriend, he is trying to help you by trying to see where you can improve on. .. it’s not his fault. He is Just not able to help you like a true therapist. He you were the one with a great job and paying all the bills, think, turn things around, How would you want to help him? Think about it. What would you do in his shoes? Tell your boyfriend, I know you feel this way about my situation. But it would really help me more if you listened to my troubles and sympathize with me.. you don’t even have to fix my problems and issues . Just be a little more understanding about what I’m going through. You can say this to your boyfriend and Allow him to respond the way he feels about things too. If he really didn’t care about you, as some other guys and girls have, he would have called it quits and left you behind. We all want want want others to be perfect and expect others, to be how we want them to be, that is not true life. ..expecting your boyfriend to be perfect is not fair. You are who you are. He is who he is. If you two can’t get along why torture yourselves.. being with someone because of money is not true love. When life is good we’re all happy.. when life is going terribly wrong it’s normal to be depressed. If you find life is going your way in all areas and your still depressed, then seek therapy. For now it seems like if you improve on your circumstances then so will your state of being., Try and be easy on the boyfriend too.. he is not a professional counselor. He is just a man. Who’s doing the best he can., we women are a little more emotional. Good luck, you need a good Councilor.

[Magic262]

Hi...saw your post. Hit home with me as im in a toxic relationship. Self absorbed lady with zero empathy. Financial it will be hard to leave but I feel each day Im dying inside. It does take courage to leave. I hope you can get out as well as myself. By the way my name is Dan from Calif. If you want to vent im here. Hope better days find you soon. Take care. Dan

[Deniese67 in reply to Magic262]

Thanks Dan, I hope yours improves as well.