You’re crazy

[Okiely]

First time visiting any support network. I’ve had a difficult but insightful week. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis relapsing-remitting, sensory (MS) I have been told it is a benign course. I struggled to prove I was sick for years. The objective evidence finally confirmed the diagnosis. I had been depressed for the first time in my life at age 40 plus. The depression and the MS symptoms were related by time frame and history. The diagnosis did not cause the depression the medical assessments were soul destroying. I was diagnosed as psycho-somatic and, even given a label, my least favourite “she’s a P.D.-personality disorder.” Borderline is a destructive label. Nothing in my history was even close to deserving this label. No one deserves to seek help and be hurt. A few well-placed narcissistic injuries directed at the medical personnel concerned is all it takes to be disliked enough for that label. Getting called crazy for the emotional control issues, not having an advocate to give collateral and support was my biggest issue at the time. Didn’t know it until I got hypomanic. Confirmed the crazy belief. Most recently, I became manic. Called crazy again. Felt so sick and depressed following 7 weeks of soul-destroying hospitalization and was given the diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. I have always argued the diagnosis because it didn’t fit my experience. After my brother called me crazy because I was in the “looney bin” I looked up..MS and Bi-polar disorder. This is well-known apparently but not to my neurologist. I’m very angry and want anyone with negative experience seeking help from professionals to never stop believing in yourself and your experience. It was right there in journals with studies and research to validate my experience. I won’t stop trying to learn what has happened to me but I hope to get some help without being called crazy or feeling crazy.

Crazy to me is a mixed dread and fear for the next morning. Not wanting to wake up.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Okiely

Thank you for your message and welcome to this community.

It sounds as if you have been through such a lot over the past weeks and months and still have a lot to process with your diagnosis. You sound as if you are a very positive person and you are certainly gaining so much insight so quickly. Hopefully you will now get more understanding and support from doctors, friends and family. Do you have people around that you can talk with about all that is happening for you? Perhaps you would like to consider sharing more aspects of what is happening for you at the moment?

This a very supportive forum, so our members may have more information and experience to share with you.

The MS Society may be able to offer more information at mssociety.org.uk. There is a forum that you may want to look at called multiple system atrophy.

MIND may also offer you more help at mind.org.uk

Do keep in touch and best wishes