DO PEOPLE REALLY NEED TO BE SO NASTY?....

[En1234]

Hi guys!! (Sorry, but this is going to be a long one!!)

Before I registered with this site I was already registered with a another site (I wont name them but it is mainly for "Mums"!)..

Yesterday someone posted online that they had recently turned 50 and were really down in the dumps about it. They said they had noticed all sorts of changes in their hair, skin, body shape, moods etc and it was really bringing them down. Having gone through something similar to this person I decided to write her a wee note to try and cheer her up!!

I said that I knew how she felt but that having just turned 51 she will get over it and hoped she felt better soon. I then went on to tell her that there are new flats getting built round the corner where I live and that the other day I passed by and one of the workmen whistled at me....What I actually wrote was "This is how sad I am... I was actually chuffed to bits because someone whistled at me the other day.. I was feeling like crap and it actually did my confidence no end of good"...That was all I said. A completely innocent sentence. Well.....the backlash and verbal abuse I got for this statement was terrible. I was told that "Yes, I WAS a saddo if all it took to give me confidence was a wolfwhistle from a sleazy builder" I was told "Its women like me who make it OK for men to go round harrassing and sometimes raping other women" I was told I was "an embarrassment and an insult to women everywhere and needed to stop living in my 1950's bubble" and I was also told "At 51 you most likely look like mutton dressed as lamb. They would have been taking the piss out of you and probably wouldn't have touched you with a barge pole if you had offered!"

To say I was wounded is very much an understatement but once the nasty comments started they did not stop - even the very person I was trying to "cheer up" joined in and jumped on the band wagon saying she wasn't THAT desperate to feel good about herself. I actually said I was sorry that I in no way was trying to be offensive but I would not retract what I had said. I DID feel flattered. I in no way felt, intimidated, threatened, insulted or concerned. It was there one minute, gone the next. I was only using this as an example to let this woman know that most of us feel the same.

I have now deleted my account from this site. I know I should not be letting it bother me after all these are faceless people and I should know better but there is a part of me that feels quite ashamed!! (All in the name of trying to help someone!!)...

Why DO people need to be so cruel....

You know, I have a 19 year old son and the way I felt this morning was if it was not for the fact that he is here and needs me, I don't think I would want to hang around in this horrible world. I think I would be quite happy to just disappear!!!.....If this is what happens when you try and help someone.....Like I said I know these people cannot see me and I cannot see them but when you see this written down about you...its really not nice!!

XXXX

[Stilltrying_]

It's upsetting but they are idiots and you are better off without them. I find this mental health site that you are on now to be very good; very very rarely do you get anyone who is like that or offensive in any way (thought there have been one or two but they are a very small minority) so please stay on this site as we are not like that.

I know it will take a while for you to "roll right", as you have been hurt, but eventually the hurt will go and your self esteem and normal status quo will return. Sending huge hugs. Gemma XXXXXXX

[En1234 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you!!...

Just one day seems to following another and its becoming one day is a good day, next day is a bad day, next day I am trying to just get through the day. It is becoming very repetitive and even my longs walks which I enjoyed a few weeks ago are starting to feel more like a chore than a pleasure. I still have had no starting date confirmed for the job I applied for. I was e-mailed last week and was told that "we still don't have a date confirmed for April as yet but we are hoping to hear very soon and we will be in touch"...I have been applying for other jobs too but nothing!!.... Waiting is going on forever and it is driving me bananas!! ...I don't know how much longer I can keep going on like this. I was very positive at the beginning but feel as though I am going down a wee bit further every day. Time was I was getting up, still doing my make up routine doing my hair and off and out. Last couple of days I just couldn't be bothered. No make up, hair tied up, out for my walk. I can see people who know me looking at me, recognising me without my "slap" on and I just don't care!!. My attitude is becoming very lazy and this is just what I didnt want to happen.

I will try harder tomorrow!!

XXXXXX

[Suzie40]

What a dreadful reaction - it sounds like you're better off not on that site. Stick to this one where we will find it highly entertaining that you got a wolf whistle!

On a more serious note- I'm so sorry that their reaction has led you to feel so sad and empty. I've been subject to nastiness online before and the fact that you can't put faces to names makes it all the more scary.

Hope you're ok xx

[En1234 in reply to Suzie40]

Feel a bit better because I am standing back from it now and seeing it from a distance but I would be lying if I said it has not spoiled the last couple of days...I wont be going back on again. I think its terrible people are allowed to be so vile. Everything I wrote was minus the cursing and swearing. There was a lot of the "F" word used as well which I obviously did not print. I said this in my posts back to the nasties as well that at least I had not lowered myself to using foul language. It was horrible!! Has made me think twice now about posting anything to anyone...

Hope your OK today!!

XXXXX

[kenster1]

hi you should never delete another account because of someone else only if you really wanted too.your support to others is vital just rise above any nasty comments maybe this person is just having a bad time of things and you happened to be in the firing line.some woman like a guy having a whistle and some don't obviously this woman don't.if it made you feel good in the moment that's great little boost to your confidence.you might need support on that page at some point and someone might need yours.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello and welcome to this very caring and supportive community.

Stilltrying is so right with their comments. They are idiots, take no notice they are not worth bothering about and if I were you I wouldn't entertain going back there again. It's not worth it, no one should be spoken about like that. This is a lovely caring and supportive community with posts that are helpful and are monitored well (even if I say so myself).

Concentrate on the people that matter especially your 19 year old son, he is the one that matters in your life.

Take care and best wishes, please remember this community, we would love to hear from you again.

MAS Nurse

[En1234 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you....Just feeling a bit bruised today. Will feel better tomorrow I am sure and I have deleted my account with them. I will no longer be on there..

XXX

[En1234]

The comments didn't just come from her...They came from practically everyone else who posted. If it had just been her I don't think I would have been so hasty but it was like a witch-hunt, thats the only way I can describe it. There was posts from lots of people and I was bombarded with lots of really negative, horrible comments. To have SO many people say so many horrible things is not nice. I did point out that I was entitled to my opinion as others are theirs. If I dont agree I dont tend to say anything. I think it is far better to just not say anything than be abusive...

I will be fine tomorrow but will be more careful of what I am saying in future!

XXXXXX

[Hidden]

From my perspective you sincerely tried to help this person with a real life antidote. It was heartfelt and sweet. The reaction shows just what is going wrong in today’s society. Intolerance and hate disguised as caring. Hypocrisy to the ninth degree. Good for you to have the strength, maturity to see the innocent “wolf whistle” for what it was. As to the insult of the 50’s bubble- I’d take that any day for what goes on now.

[En1234 in reply to Hidden]

"Just what is going wrong in today's society"....You have hit the nail on the head with that!! That is exactly what I was trying to say. To be honest wolf-whistling is very slapstick I think. It is NOT meant to be taken very seriously. If you don't like then just walk on and don't say anything...Im the type of person who if someone whistles at me I will say something along the lines of "Oi you....you should be concentrating on your work!!", have a wee laugh and walk on . Its friendly harmful banter!!

Thanks for your comment. Glad to know you are on the same page as me!!

XXXXXX

[Hidden]

Exactly!! I’m so glad you got it! I’ve got to say that in my day to day life, I still have much hope. The interactions I have with people are very rewarding. I still feel I can be open and honest, silly and playfull, without fear of being unjustly attacted.

Watching media or reading from the net gives me the impression that everything has changed in society. Well maybe it hasn’t so much

[En1234 in reply to Hidden]

No your right....you have to watch what you are saying these days. What I said yesterday was a throwaway comment (I actually thought I was just having a wee laugh with this person), it was picked apart, dissected, OVER-analysed and these people came up with a completely different version of what I had actually said...(Not to mention the fact that these poor builders were getting it in the neck)...Nah!! Defo wont be going back there!!

[lifted in reply to Hidden]

Totally agree, and i wish we were back in the 50s we might not of had much but we were sure a lot happier x

[En1234 in reply to lifted]

Yeah!! Never a truer word said!!

XXXX

[hypercat54]

Hi how awful. I hope you reported them as it is against site rules to harass another member online.

I have occasionally replied to a new member on here and other sites and have several times been subject to abuse and slagging off. One good reason why I wait and see what someone is like a bit before I respond. It's sad but a few people are like that.

Don't forget too that online means they can hide behind annonomity and say things they wouldn't normally say face to face. I must admit though that if a builder wolf whistled me I wouldn't like it as I would feel like a piece of meat and very self conscious. It takes all sorts though to make a world and you are entitled to think how you want without being judged. x

[Shaynem70]

sorry to hear this, you are so right people can be so cruel and quick to judge, no one person is perfect and what works for one might not work for another. they are like little children in a playground, even as adults words hurt just the same. good for you for speaking up and for trying to comfort the other person. the world has gone mad and is getting worse i quite often give people compliments on how they look or smell and always do there is no sexual meaning to it, if i am sitting outside a changing room waiting for my wife. just i think it is nice to hear not sleazy . its the same as i will tell some one they have done well at something regardless of who they are. i suffer badly from depression and low self esteem after years of being mentally and emotionally abused as a child from my parents . if for that split second you felt great when the builder whistled at you good for you, try and and bottle up that feeling and keep telling yourself that you look fab !! ( as i am sure you do ) keep smiling !!

ABUSERS SHAME ON YOU!!!!!

[Hidden]

I can remember in my childhood my little gang of urchins would sing this little song- “ sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me “

I have taken it to heart, used it effectively for five decades.

Absolutely nothing could be said to me, from the web, that could hurt me. Or in real life, save from a couple loved ones.