Sometimes pray to die

[6365]

I don't know where to start, or l can't remember where to start. I have taken so many different medications it has effect my memory. Plus the 18 ECTS didn't help.

I'm 65 years old and for 40 years l have been mentally sick. The labels have covered me all over.

They will never get it right. Even though we share the same terrifying experience we are all different in some way. Some worse than others. It's hard to think there's anyone worse that yourself but there always is.

I have tried suicide about 15 times. And l am still here by the grace of God. So many times l should have died. So many ways l tried. I can tell you it's not the answer to the problem. It just makes thing worse , well it always did for me. No one cared if l did or not. No support not then not now. Mentally illness runs in my family. But no one told me and no cared. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. That would be crazy after 40 years. I should be use to it by now. Right? There is no way of ever getting use to it. Every night l wonder what tomorrow is going to be like or what am l going to be like. Hard to make any plans so l don't. I'm alone but lam not lonely most of the time but you never know when you might

I try and my two dogs help more than anyone knows.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello 6365 and welcome to this community. Although It is clear that you have been struggling for a long time there nevertheless seem to be some underlying positive words in your post. I wonder when did you last see a health professional and if not recently it may be worth having a chat. Even if your past experience does not give you confidence it may help you to move forward a little. There is help out there and it's just finding the right one for you. Our members will share their experiences with you. Also please have a good look around the site especially at the pinned posts where you will find a lot of good information and the links for many organisations that you may find helpful. Also have a look at the link below.

mind.org.uk/

Enjoy the time you spend with your two dogs and please keep in touch.

[kenster1]

hi I'm sorry to hear of your struggles I too have tried to take my life due to depression/anxiety and I'm glad I never succeeded.im sure people do care but when we are clouded we don't think the right way.the things that have happened in my life I'm surprised I got this far.now I have two beautiful sons a job a house never would have this if I succeded.im not in a great place far from it but I'm trying.things will change for you please never give up trying.plenty of people on here will offer lots of support.