Taking a downward spiral

[ChidgeyLou]

So today should be a real happy day.

I’ve become an auntie to a beautiful baby girl!

But after a very crappy and stressful period at work and with myself in general and the fact that i have fertility issues I really can’t help but feeling angry and jealous.

My emotions and mental health got the better of me tonight and I removed myself from the situation before breaking down in tears uncontrollably at home.

I want nothing more than to be able to have my own family but it’s never going to happen.

Fortunately my partner knows about this and I am able to talk to him but has anyone else felt this way about a relative or friend?

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello ChidgeyLou

Thank you for your post. Thanks for sharing your feelings at a really difficult time.

Many congratulations for becoming an Auntie. The feelings you are having must be so hard especially at this time when it is so happy for others. You are totally OK to express things as you are doing and it would be natural for you to feel as you do in this situation. You need to express your feelings? Was there anyone there you could talk to?

Yes others have definitely felt this way. Perhaps you could tell us more about your situation so we can support you. Our members are very supportive and may have information for you.

Can you tell us more about your work situation, as that sounds difficult for you too? There is often an occupational health department that might offer more help for you.

Are you getting any medical help with your situation from a doctor or support worker, and can you talk to them about what is happening right now?

The topics and pinned posts on this and other forums may hold more information for you.

Take care and do keep in touch

[ChidgeyLou in reply to MAS_Nurse]

No there’s no one I can talk too really. None of my family understands mental health issues so it’s difficult.

I have suffered with severe anxiety and depression for many years and late last year I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. But since this I’ve just been waiting and waiting for meetings or appointments to come through. I’ve just been left in limbo for over 7 months.

I also have a brain aneurysm which is being monitored yearly.

Work is stressful and they don’t accommodate my health issues and they just keep piling more jobs on me so I’m constantly snowed under all the time. Working 6 days a week.

I was told I could have PCOS back in August last year, I take a lot of medication daily but I haven’t been on any contraception in over 12 years. My partner and I have been trying to conceive for almost 4 years and had no luck. All I get told is to lose weight. I have done this but still nothing. I have cysts on my ovaries but these never get looked into.

I’m 28 and desperately wanting a family of my own.

I feel like I’m the worst sister in the world by being jealous and angry of her having something I won’t and probably never will have.

I’ve never ever felt this way about anything before and if I were to ever explain this to any of them then I’d be labelled pathetic and stupid

[Rick1on1]

Yes, I am sure there are people that feel that kind of jealousy - part of sibling rivalry and all the psychology around that.

You were wise to take yourself out of the situation so as not to damper the mood of the event. It will get better over time and although you might not become a great mom - you have the opportunity to be fantastic aunt!

So, chin up and dont beat yourself up about the anger and jealousy...they are all very human emotions.

[Suzie40]

I feel selfish sharing this but I've got two children and I feel really jealous of my sisters who both have lots of children. I always thought I had room for one more but it didn't happen. I understand totally where you're coming from and I have no doubt your pain is worse than many x