I'm a piece of shit

[seriousb1tch]

I'm a freshman in college in my 2nd semester.

I'm a very sensitive person, but i dont show it because I know that some people think it's annoying.

I'm majoring in electrical engineering and since I failed my physics class last semester, I'm retaking it this semester which resulted in overloading in credits so that im not behind. Currently I'm taking 20 credits and 6 weeks in, I'm finally starting to get the hang of balancing my homework load. But now, everyday sis just spent doing homework and i can't help but get really depressed. Knowing that engineering his difficult, I don't know if I can continue pursuing it. However, it's too late to change my major if I want to graduate in 4 years. I don't necessarily hate it and I definitely will stick with engineering, but the workload and classes get difficult.

It's hard enough that my roommate is a business major that doesn't do jack shit. She's really nice and all, so I feel like a piece of shit being jealous of all the free time she has. Everyday she just watches Netflix for take naps, while her "hardest" classes would be her core classes like Theology. She would be complaining having to read a 10 page article for discussions while I'm sitting at my desk trying to figure out what's wrong with my CS coding homework that I've been working on for 9 hours.

I really can't stop feeling like a piece of shit for hating on people just because I can't handle my shit well. But like, me thinking like this doesn't reflect how I act at all. I just act like everything is going fine. Also, I'm a very big introverts so whenever I hang out w/ my close friends, too much socializing is just too much sometimes (especially with all the stress) so I can tell that I bring the mood down at time for not being as hyped. And I can tell that they get worried for me. I'm so blessed to have such good friends that understand when I tell then "I just can't today". They really are amazing, and I feel bad that they have to be my friends. I'm such a piece of shit.

[Hidden]

Don't say that about yourself yes college is stressful, its not too late to change your major since you're a freshman... college brings anxiety

[Betty30]

Please speak with a counselor/therapist... You really need some professional guidance to help you with being able to get things 'straightened out' so that you stop feeling so very overwhelmed... Speaking with someone who is emotionally detached from your situation, she/her will be able to give you some suggestions as to what changes you would benefit from... I wish you the very best!! Please don't make the mistake of thinking 'I can do this on my own' when help is available... Please. You deserve help! Take care.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi there welcome to this community. I concur with the 2 replies you have received from our members. College/university isn't easy...it isn't meant to be, otherwise degrees and qualifications lose their value. But nothing is so set in concrete, that it can't be changed. Please follow their advice and have a chat with your personal tutor, or counsellor and get some guidance about your study options and how to best go forward. It won't help comparing yourself to your room mate or other people, everyone has different learning styles, different study work loads, etc., you have to find what works best for you. Maybe some of the course work is available in an alternative format e.g audiobook or can be downloaded in pdf onto an iPad or Tablet device and can be read back to you. Maybe link up with a study buddy on the same courses as you, and have some study sessions together. 3 P's Plan, Prioritize and Pace your activities. Also, don't forget the old adage, 'all work and no play make Jack/Jill a dull person'. College is also meant to be a fun time, making friends, socialising, learning to be independent. Reward yourself after a study session with something you do enjoy doing. Go to a movie, play sport, get out and about.

I know this is a mute point, and I know you are expressing strong feelings about how stressed you are, but please remember not to use expletives here which does constitute as abusive language...even if it's about yourself! This breaches our Community Guidelines (see pinned posts section). You are worth more than that! You undervalue yourself. To have made it to college is amazing. You will succeed and achieve, give yourself a break and go and get help.

Best wishes