How to Maintain Positive Connections?

[seetheshine]

I realize recently that I feel like I am grieving losing so many friends in the last few years. I feel like not in the too distant future I had what felt like a community and now, in my thirties, one by one my friends move away, become busy, have families, you name it... and over time we lose touch. In addition, I am so busy with my own life that I rarely have time to go out to meet new people and when I do I am often too tired to put my best foot forward... so it feels like this debilitating cycle. What do I do? What do we do? I oscillate between trying so hard to reach out, send little messages, call, you name it and then sort of pulling away and not trying anymore because this voice in my head says "well if they don't care about you and want to know what is up in your life, why do you care about them?" Ack. I do agree we are living in times that make genuine, heartfelt and enduring connection very difficult. Big hugs to you all.

[Stilltrying_]

Hi, yes I sympathise. It is easy for contacts to slide and for people to get lost in day to day life and lose contact with old friends just out of pure exhaustion or just that we are so busy.

I would continue to make the effort, particularly with new people and people who you think will respond.

Generally the people who will take up the contact are those who also feel the motivation and that there is a little space in their life for these social contacts and friendships.

I am retired so meet many people in the same boat. You are in a different part of your life from me but that doesn't mean you can't make/keep friends and have fun and companionship. I understand when you say you are exhausted so maybe try an energising activity such as the gym, and you may find you make new friends there with a similar interest.

XX

[Sosadandlonely]

I am also in my 30s and empathize completely. I have grown resentful of my efforts in keeping in contact with old friends - and even family - only to feel like my efforts are not reciprocated. To make matters worse, when I reach out to my mother to discuss this, she often makes me feel like I'm not trying hard enough, and loves to say, "Well, [my brother] always says he tries to call you and you don't answer..." (That works both ways, and my brother is a narcissist who only has time to "talk" when he's between meetings while driving).

Anyway, i think friendships are fleeting for the most part. It is rare to find people with whom you will be lifelong friends; I have maybe 3 or 4 friends who I've known for more than a decade. That, combined with your astute point about the difficult times in which we are living, can make for feeling this way.

That being said, keep trying to form new connections in your area. Most of my current friends I've met from getting involved with causes or groups. Staying active and engaged in community is, I think, the best way to combat feelings of loneliness and isolation. Oh, and less time on social media and smart phones (I am oh so guilty of both)!

Xo