after some advice? (long post)

[Meemoo1234]

I don't really know if this is the right place, or if anyone could give me advice but anyways, here I go...

I'm 19 years old and in my second year of university. From a young age my mum treated me in quite a bad way, in my teens I had eating problems (essentially bulimia I guess) and I turned to my mother for help and she refused to help, she wouldn't help me see a doctor and told me I'd never be skinny, that was a pretty big blow

Since a very young age I can remember she never showed me love, she would shout and swear at me a lot and always get so angry at me.

Since moving to university her actions(or lack of love) towards me has hit me pretty hard, I've realised the impact it's had on me. my sister and even my dad are just as caught up in this mess, my mums incapable of reasoning and listening to any of us.

So, my question, I think my mum has a lot of mental health issues, she doesn't work, she's over weight, she had a bad relationship with her mother and her dad killed himself. All this is very sad, but I personally don't feel I can help my her, the amount of pain she has, and continues to cause me has caused me so so many problems and left me in such bad places at times. So what should I do?

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Meemoo1234 and welcome to this community. It's a good start to have posted here today and our members will share their wisdom and experiences with you.

Sorry to hear that your Mum continues to have such an impact on your life. Have you spoken to your Dad and sister about how you feel?

It is also important to look after yourself and I wonder if you would have the opportunity to speak to a counsellor through your university as a first step for you.

Please keep posting here and take care.

[hypercat54]

Hi you can't change how someone behaves but you can change your own reaction to it. In your case I would concentrate on working towards being able to leave home for good and make your own life.

If this isn't possible for the time being then you will just have to build yourself an emotional brick wall against her attacks on you so she can't get through and really hurt you. It is difficult to do (and I speak from experience) but try your best. Just keep reminding yourself that if is nothing to do with you but her and let it go over your head as much as possible. Seek confirmation of what a good person you are in the other members of your family and your friends and hold on to their opinions of you. x

[Hidden]

Hae Meemoo,from my own life experience we can't choose how people will treat us but we have a choice of how to react ,don't let the way she is treating you put u down or have a negative impact on you ..some people can't handle their own demons therefore they create hell for others just to hide from their own.its hard but try not to be affected ,find what u enjoy doing when you at home and keep urself busy such that ur mind won't have time for the negative thought

[reinagrace]

Hi Meemoo1234 it's good you're in university, so able to work towards being on your own eventually. Compassionate friends are the biggest help, i hope you can make some there who are a good support system, and to spend time with doing enjoyable things that will take your mind off your stress. Lay boundaries with your mother, refuse to put up with any abuse. suggest counseling to her and see if she's willing to do that, for herself or together with you. If not, see about just going to a counselor yourself. thru my traumatic childhood i always clung close to God, i don't know if you have faith, but this is a comfort. i pray you heal from abuse, i know we can carry that stuff around for decades.

[Ehsanbey]

Hi Meemo1234

I am deeply sorry about your conditions and I guess it would have been a hard time for you, regarding your describe about your mother I think she needs some support or some love! I think she needs someone to talk to but before that she would see the other side countable, so my advice is to trying getting closer to her(I know this is so har but after all she is your mother) and see if you can make a new relationship with her and then start fom the crack step by step, if you find it impossible or irrelevant I say try to stay further from her for a while and just keep yourself busy and stay on the right track, hey have you ever tried an old friend of her or someone who had good menories with your mom? Keep it in mind too.. Just saying, I wish finally you would find the right way