Advise

[odette1976bradford]

hi I'm new here. I'm a single mum who is currently looking after my mum who is 65 who not well and also working full time. It feels like ground hog day everyday. things are not good at home or at work. Got to the point now where I keep crying over the little things. I don't have may friends and I don't want to burden them. Even writing this feels like I'm complaining.

[Fifiii]

I think you need someone to help you out. Either take care your mum for some hours, maybe helping with the house (cleaning etc)?? Also i think you have any right to “complain” , in order to calm yourself and be able to handle it. Try also to find some time during the week only for you. It will help you so much and also you will have something to anticipate. I am trying to do the same, but my routine does not include a sick mum so i can only imagine how hard it is.

[StrangerTides]

I think complaining is good when it serves a purpose like seeking help or information. its only unhealthy when it turns into rumination. Ruminating is simply repetitively going over a thought or a problem without completion. it can cause a lot of anxiety and depression.

[Laub]

Hi odette, I know exactly how you feel! I don’t have a sick mum but the rest I can relate.. maybe try and find someone you can confide in and take a breather go for a walk to clear your mind for 30mins just a bit of you time.. it’s good to cry (so I have been told) it’s good to complain and get stuff or your chest holding it in will make you feel worse.. if you ever need a chat feel free to inbox me.. take care.. hugs xoxo

[Stilltrying_]

Hi there sweetheart, you are going through a tough time so please don't feel like you are "complaining". You have so much to deal with; work, single parenthood, your mum's illness; it's tough on you. Just try and draw in as much support from as many places as you can; like writing on here. asking neighbours, confiding in work colleagues, calling on the few friends you have and requesting their assistance with something specific.

Wishing you all the best..... Please let us know how you fare,

Gemma XXXx

[odette1976bradford]

I have many family members that say they will help but when I ask they are to busy even if I ask for a couple of hours. It has sometimes crossed my mind to do something like end it all for myself but then I feel guilty on who will care for my mum and daughter but sometimes I feel they would be better off.

[StrangerTides in reply to odette1976bradford]

are those thoughts based on internal or external things. i've had alot of youth issues for but internally i was not satisfied with myself and the way i acted, those were caused by my personality disorders and i had no idea about them at the time, it was very distressing for me thinking i was broken.

externally i would deal with a lot of emotional abuse and neglect from my family, and loneliness from how i socialized.

i found the best cure for me on internal termoil was learning about my self being honest and athentic with the things that made me me and good counsoling from friends and professionals,

for the external i had to get rid of the sources of those issues. or atleast cope with them in a healthier way

hopefully we can learn how to limit the bad in all of our lives. it takes a really strong frame of mind.

[sweetiepye]

Hello Odette, Do you and Mum share a home? I s it possible she could work part time or get disability ? You need some help, no one here thinks you're complaining. If you give us a little more information perhaps we can be of more help.. Pam

[Suzie40]

Hey there, I could have written this myself. My Mum was 64 when she died. Prior to her ugly and unnecessary death I spent many months trying to juggle a full time job and being a single Mum, with caring for her. It was awful and when I say I understand how you're feeling - I genuinely do. Here anytime you want to chat xx

[odette1976bradford]

Hi Pam my mum lives with me. Since 2014 she has had 2 major strokes and a couple of TIA's and every time she's come back fighting her speech comes back but she is weak down her left side and has to walk with 2 sticks. Her confusing is bad so she cannot cook or iron she tries her best to do other things. She is current experiencing a lot of on her right side and she has lost 5 stone in weight since June she is under the doctors who are doing tests. So we are up most nights as she finds the pain worse then. They have given her tramadol.

I'm 41 I've fought a lot of issues in my life like the colour of my skin growing up being the mixed race was hard especially has some of my family could not expect me would do things that are not nice.

At the moment at work I do a 6am-2pm shift but I've been told that I have to change my shift or they will give my job to someone else. they know the responsibility's I have at home but they say its not there problem.

[sweetiepye]

Are you in the UK ? there must be some social service agencies who can help you. As far as your job is concerned do you have a worker representative ? Pam