Well...

[CJ2016]

Its been like 2 weeks since i last cut, i have started back in the gym(have one at home) after 2 years.

And fair to say i am well unfit, now that i am not working i have the time to work out 4 days a week and count every calorie that i eat.

My mood is 50/50 in that i still feel somewhat "down(i refuse to say depressed) as well as "Up" at the same time although the "Up" feels more prominant then the down at the moment.

But im trying to concentrate all my efforts to being back in the gym rather then cutting my self,if i can go long enough and my arms heal up i will probably have to look at getting tats.

Nobody knows apart from one person that i was self harming(and then they did not know how far it went) and i intend to keep it that way(as i have always kept my cards close to my chest)

Ive set my self a 10 month target of losing all the weight i gained over the constant ups and downs over the last 2 years, irrispective of my mood swings, i feel the motivation to do this again as they say no pain no gain 💪💪

[AjMiki]

Great stuff CJ, obviously I don't know you but your post fills me with pride and a reminder of what I've accomplished over the few years since moving to another Country to start afresh and that also included weight loss, fitness and now I have a six pack and more confidence then I've ever had due to this!

I have never self harmed although I've abused my body with drugs and alcohol in the past, so I know it takes focus, routine and determination to do this. It's very easy to give up on these things but a bark to stick to them. I believe in your determination CJ and proud for you doing this. Do however take it easy and don't over do it, and also don't stress if it starts quickly then slows down, that's normal! I would also suggest you might want to rethink talking to a professional about your past self harming and be able to express yourself and lay it all out on the line! There's no shame in it and I also recon the tats would look great on your new pump up muscles and arms by the way!

[CJ2016 in reply to AjMiki]

hey AjMiki thanks for the reply,and awesome job on losing weight,yeah i have avoided any form of substance abuse due to knowing how addicted i get to doing things,ive been addicted to food,gaming,sex & exercise.

I lost 6 stone in 2015 but over the 2 years since my moods have been all over the place along with my head,then eventually i changed jobs and quit my last job after 3 days and now i have free time i think it would be better for me to concentrate on my self rather then work at the moment.

I am very self critical when it comes to anything really when i do put my mind to something i am either all in or all out last time i was recording my results via pictures,this time around really cant be bothered to do that,and will just concentrate on getting results.

I apperciate the reply and the suggestions have a great and happy new year

[AjMiki]

Hi CJ,

Happy new year!

Hope your still determined for this. A bit like yourself, I was and still have an addictive personality and all those things you mention I have done.

I'm also self critical despite having improved my life ten-fold.

Seriously CJ seeing your post has definitely reminded me to continue and fight forward in life to keep fit, healthy and yes perhaps have a sense of vanity, which I would rather have than self loathing!

So mate, please crack on with it and do whatever necessary to make the changes!

[CJ2016]

Hi AJ yeah i done my first training session yesterday and to say i am aching is an understatement,but i knew it would be the case since i have not trained properly in so long,but i am deff paying for it today haha.

Hopefully the muscle soreness will wear off quickly once i get into a rhythem again,i am still tempted by junk food especially since its all around me more often or not,but i just got to get over the cravings for it then hopefully it will be a home stretch.

I don't think it will be as easy as first time around,because my mood is different to last time around but i am not throwing in the towel i am just going to keep trudging on and on.