Im losing

My name is John.

Im in a battle with depression. A battle that im losing. Ive always had it but its harder now. I held my son, whom i love with my everything, and the pain didnt go away like it usually does. Im scared. Im dying inside. Im losing it. Im trying to find new escapes like The gym, gaming, or focusing on work but its hanging on me. Its there. My metal problem is scaring me. Im starting to feel it physically. I feel this weight on my shoulders. I feel all the eyes on me. Im scared. Im losing. Im trying so hard to .ake myself feel happy but all im doing is digging a deeper hole. What scares me the most is that my son isnt helping. Usually when i hold him or look at him, itll go away. But its not working. Im scared. This vent is kinda helping. I just wish i can smile without a sad man hiding behind it.

6 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Firstly, please please don't go down the gaming route. My son did that and ended up having to go bankrupt. Find an interest or small hobby instead. You sound very depressed; have you seen a doctor? Also did you know that low levels of certain vitamins, minerals & iron in your blood can cause depression?

    Particularly low vitamins B12 and D, and minerals zinc & magnesium. There has been quite a lot of articles about low levels of vitamins B12 & D. You can ask your GP for a blood test for those two vitamins plus a full blood panel (to see how much iron is in your blood).

    Please take a look at the video (a fairly short one), showing Dr Chatterjee talking about a new type of 'medicine' that's been spreading across USA and is beginning to come to UK. It's a whole new way of the looking at depression.

    healthunlocked.com/mental-h...

  • Hello John,

    my heartfelt sympathy to you as you are struggling so much with your depression.

    I am sure you are coping as well as possible and it is a good sign that you can write down how you are feeling on this forum, and continue to reach out here for support.

    Please do not think you are loosing it, and please do not give up hope of feeling better in time with support. I wonder have you been assessed clinically for your depression and what support do you have in place ? Are you on medication to help you through your low moods such as an antidepressant? Perhaps if you havn't done so recently, I think that you should make an appointment to see your GP and ask for community help and support.

    Perhaps too you can ask to be referred to counselling, as it may help you to explore in your own time and space what is perhaps at the root of your long term depression. Sometimes just understanding our feelings , thoughts , and moods more can help us to cope better with life. Going to the gym is a very positive step but as Marigold points out, please stay away from gaming as this could cause extra financial problems for your future.

    You may find the following information useful for you....

    mind.org.uk/ Telephone...0300 123 3393 (Mon-Friday 9-6 pm) or

    email.... info@mind.org.uk

    Sane....offers emotional support and information... Telephone....0300 304 700

    (6-11 pm daily 365 days a year)

    Rethink Mental illness.......Telephone....0300 500 927 (Mon-Friday 9;30- 4 pm)

    they help people to realize they are not alone

    Just keep going John, one small step at a time and please do seek urgent medical advice and support to help you through this really difficult time in your life. With the right support in place you can start to feel better, you deserve to feel happy and not so overwhelmed with your life.

    Do take good care of yourself.

    Can anyone else offer further advice for our friend John here, thank you very much?

    my very best wishes and good luck to you John, help is at hand for you and do let us know how you are doing.........kindest thoughts......

  • Thank you. I wasnt expecting anyone to reply. I will take your advise. I will try harder.

  • I've suffered with depression too. Exercise, activity and interacting with others can help some people, but depression can simply be present no matter what your environment is. The brain is a complex organ. Depression involves signalling between neurons in the brain which regulate mood becoming disrupted.

    I was in denial for ages before I finally gave in and started medication called Sertraline, which boosts levels of the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin which help to regulate mood and emotion.

    The difference in my mental well-being has been significant. I wake up in the morning, I have more energy and people have told me I appear more alert and look more content and talkative.

    Medication isn't for everyone. But it's certainly worth a try, because the difference it makes can be significant.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  • I totally agree with you . BUT depression is rarely just a brain chemical imbalance . It is generally deeply rooted in childhood experiences and traumas which one unconsciuosly carry into adulthood .

    you are lucky that sertraline works for you now . BBUt will you take it (or want to take it) all your life ? I have got this terrible predicament that I can't live with or without my antidepressants (not sertraline) though as years go by they seem to become less and less effective .

  • Hi, for the last 4 months I have been eating 'good' fat. Not McD chips, but cream, full fat milk, nuts, avocados, cheese, real butter, olive oil, tinned oily fish (I love mackrel). I have read that the brain is made of something like 80% fat. So all that so called advice we were getting about eating a low fat diet was very faulty. On my high fat diet my brain is working and not depressed any more.

    I must add that I have also ditched all carbohydrates and sugar - all diabetics will know this diet. This is because both carbohydrates & sugar spike the blood sugar right up, then the body has to work hard to get it back down again. That happens each time you eat carbs or sugar, so our body is working hard all the time. This way of eating was recommended by a homeopath doctor who has been in practice for over 25 years. I have so much more energy and it wasn't difficult to find things to eat. If you would like a full copy of my 'new diet' please send me a PM. I so hate hearing about people's suffering - I was ill for 30+ years but am now full of life :-)

You may also like...