Don’t know how to feel

[Lilmis]

Hi everyone,

It’s been so long since I posted in here for the past couple of months I’ve been feeling good about everything I got myself a new job love the people I work with.. anyways that’s why I’ve not been on for a while and then today well ok so where do I start...

Firstly I’m sorry if this shouldn’t be in this area of posting?

I went to get my routinely 3 month injection to ensure that I don’t get pregnant... and the nurse said because I’m overweight and smoke I’m at risk at so many things I get that but then she was like I’d like you to come off the injection and go onto the mini pill basically take it everyday.. it may seem like a reasonable request many of you are thinking, but I’ve been on this pill before and got pregnant from it, now last time I was caught out and got pregnant it was 4 years ago and me and the bf wasn’t in a position to bring a child into the world we wasn’t stable enough.. so therefore had to terminate, I’ve told this to the nurse and all she kept saying was it’s either the pill or other things they can put in place well I don’t fancy anything else I just wanted the injection anyways she’s put me on the pill now all I can do now is stress over the fact I’m still not in a good place to have a child it may seem ridiculous and childish to say this but I want to be married before I have a child and also I don’t get company maternity pay until I’ve been in a permanent position with the company for at least a year then if all that’s in place we don’t have the support like many other have (mothers) my mum passed away over 7 years ago.. my dad is an alcoholic and well that’s all I’ve got.

It sounds so pathetic when I think about it, but I can’t stop thinking about how the timing isn’t right I’m sure you know when the is the right time to have a baby but I’m just not there yet and if I get pregnant again from this pill I don’t think I could go through another termination it killed me last time I was heart broken I don’t think I could do it again, yet I don’t think I could have a baby out of wedlock (sounds so old fashioned) like I shouldn’t sleep with someone until married etc... but it’s the only wish my nan had with me before she passed away am I over thinking this?

I’m rambling on I know I am but I can’t sleep because of all this going through my mind and I know I’ll end up sick from all this stress.

But I just can’t see any positives from going from the injection where I know I’m safe to the pill where it’s not as safe

& the other things available ie the coil don’t fancy that I hate going for the smear let along the coil and then the is the implant I hate needles at the best of time yet they’d stick a massive needle in my arm to insert that... no thanks

I feel so depressed at the thought of my current situation and bringing a baby into it.., it’s not fair on the baby

Also am I being extremely selfish by wanting to live some of my life first? Like travel and get a career in place??

I just don’t know what to do over this :’(

I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone or upset anyone by my topic and ramblings I just needed to get it off my chest because the bf doesn’t want to talk about it... all he cares is about himself...

[Hidden]

Hi I don't think you are selfish at all and I wish more people thought like this before bringing a child into the world. You will know when the time is right for you so go and live your life and do what you want to do as it's much more difficult when you have a family.

I do agree that is is best to bring a child into the world into as stable a family as possible as the interests of the child has always to be the top priority. x

[puddlediver]

I can understand your concern and feel for you. You say the mini pill didn’t work before - would your bf be prepared to use a condom alongside the mini pill. Perhaps the double form of protection could give you peace of mind. Hugs

[Lilmis in reply to puddlediver]

Yeah I’ve tried to tell him that but I don’t think he really cares about how I’m feeling he wants kids he hasn’t thought about the consequences ie I’m not in a perm position I’ll not get company mat pay until a year in from the start of the perm if I got it.. he’s in agency work.. the is no one to help look after the baby... no more holidays because once you have a baby it’s all gone out of the window along side all the money you have he hasn’t thought about any of this.. I just wish he’d hear me out without thinking I’m arguing or having a go...

[puddlediver]

Ah, difficult. You have my sympathy. Hugs