Think I've had enough

[AF1025]

Hi, I'm new here. I've been feeling depressed or in low mood most of the time. But the depression gets worse these past 2 years ever since I lost my job, unsuccessful business venture, and having had no income has made me broke. I have a strained family relationship as well and worse I am living with them since I cannot afford to live by myself. I'm thinking about ending everything a lot as I don't think I want to or can cope with the low feelings anymore. My health is generally stable, with common illness such as flu/cold/cough from time to time. I am 43 yrs old, female, single. I have seen a psychiatrist who has prescribed me with many antidepressants, anxiety and sleep medications and am very dependant on them for my day-to-day survival. I don't know what else to do. Everyday is an emotional pain for me to live.

[Stantonrider]

Hello there, welcome aboard the Help Boat.. first of all I truly understand how you are feeling right now because, from what you have written, I have had to deal with, and still dealing with exactly the same situation so you are not alone.

The business and the job situation is tough but at the moment it's not what you need to be focussing on. You need to focus on yourself for a while as until you are okay it's not a good thing to keep piling on external pressures.

Living with family when you are older is tough as well, for me it felt embarrassing to be in my 40 and losing my home & business and having to rely on family, but you have a roof over your head at the moment that you can use as a base for your recovery from this period. If you have a good relationship with any of your family, have you tried to explain how you are feeling to them? For me, I was internalising lots of negative, dark thoughts and when I first told someone it helped me understand that no-one knew how down a low I was. We are bloody good at hiding and locking away our thoughts and feelings when we get into our dark periods, am I right? You may find this is the same situation for you.

So I don't want to just blither on at you here and as I'm not sure where in the world you are, some advice I could give may not be relevant. What I will say to you is, you really are not alone and there really is a brighter day ahead. You have taken a huge step by posting on here.

I am here to help you if you you need me to. Even if you just want to unload your thoughts on someone, well I'm here. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you things will be brilliant overnight because that is not true, it's difficult and painful to move forward, I understand that, but honestly, there can be a better future.

Please feel free to message me, I am here and I'm ready to listen. If you don't want to conversation to be visible on here we can chat by email. Whatever makes you comfortable.

Scott

[AF1025 in reply to Stantonrider]

Dear Scott,

Thank you so much for your encouraging message. Knowing that someone out there care and took time to write this note warms my heart. (Ps: I'm also ashamed for not having returned to you sooner!).

I guess I just try whatever I can to stay positive, be it exercise, writing on my journal, and continue to distract my self on positive things. On a lighter days I still find reading or taking a free online course is satisfying.

Thank you once again for your kind attention. I hope all is well with you too.

Anggi

[Stantonrider in reply to AF1025]

Hey Anggi,

I'm so glad you replied. Your words sound a little more positive than last time, I hope you are feeling a little better. It seems that you have got a handle on what you are doing to stop the rumination that comes with feeling low at a difficult time. Keep on doing what you are doing, reading, exercise and the online course taking, anything that keeps the brain working in a positive way is good and exercise will release endorphins in your system to help your mood.

Did you speak at all with your family to let them know how you were feeling or your Doctor about a medication review?

As for not getting back sooner, do not think anything of it, I know how hard it can be. You replied now and that's fantastic.

Please know that if you ever need to chat further, I am here. It doesn't matter how silly or irrelevant, if it is effecting you sometimes a different perspective can make things seem different.

Stay safe and positive.

Scott

[AF1025 in reply to Stantonrider]

Hi Scott,

Since the first time I wrote in this forum, I'm still feeling ups and downs, but most of the time, I force myself to follow the routine of exercise in the morning, and open up the computer to study or just browsing on the study things that interest me. I even browse on sites about suicide in the spirit to prevent myself from doing it.

I don't have many friends, neither do I have relationship with my family, and the friends that I have, are too occupied with their daily problems of which I understand. Which is why this site is very helpful for me to vent my feelings, though I admit I feel silly and weak for complaining too much. I just watched the stories about the world refugee crisis, and knowing what they go through and then compare to what I go through, makes me feel a bit grateful. It does give me perspective.

So thank you once again for your taking the time to reply to me. I really appreciate it. I hope all is well with you.

Anggi

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello and welcome AF1025 to this community. It is good you have posted here today and sorry to hear you are struggling with life. This is a supportive community and other members will have had similar experiences & be able to share their thoughts with you. I wonder if it might be worth seeing your psychiatrist for a review of your medication and maybe referral to a counsellor (if you are not seeing one already). Take a look at the pinned posts to the right of the page for various links that I think you will find useful. Also it might help to talk to the Samaritans Helpline 116123(freephone) whilst you are feeling so low. Please keep posting here and we will do all that we can to support you.

[Hidden]

Hiya, I'm so sorry that you are going through such a tough period at the moment. The medication should help but if it isn't then maybe it could/should be reviewed. You say you are 'dependent' on the medication but I hope you don't view that in a negative light. If you are not well, then you, me, anyone, may need medication to get better. I'm sure you have lots of positive qualities and you just need a break, some good fortune and that will help you. I have a close relative who has been through a similar experience but is now on the road to recovery, so I can empathise and, also, can reassure you that things can improve. Please don't give up - be kind to yourself and remind yourself you are worth the effort. Take care,

[AF1025 in reply to Hidden]

Dear Sebastian,

Thank you so much for your kind note to me. It really warms my heart. I agree that the medication should be reviewed and I'll bring this out on my next doctor visit.

They say good fortune follows positive attitude and mind, so yes, I'm doing whatever I can to stay positive and pick my self back up on a gloomier days. It hasn't been easy, I slipped so many times more than I succeed.

I'm glad to hear your relative who was in similar situation is now on the road to recover. How are things working out for him/her?

Thank you once again for your kind attention. I hope all is well with you too.

Anggi

[Hidden in reply to AF1025]

Hiya, earlier this year the situation hit absolute rock bottom and, I'm very ashamed to say, I was beginning to lose hope and thought there was no way back, but since then there has been a massive improvement and, although I still worry that things might take another downturn, I take each day as it comes and appreciate the simple things in life much more. I have also encountered so many people with similar stories, struggling with anxiety, depression and mental health issues, and, I wonder if it is more prevalent now in our complex, materialistic society? Anyway, I do want to reassure you that things can improve and sometimes it comes out of nowhere and suddenly, but the right medication and proper medical intervention can make a huge difference. I sincerely hope things improve for you too, because people like you make the world a better and kinder place. Take care,