I really dont know what to do....

I really dont know what to do.

I have recently turned 18 and I feel like i am in between trying to carry on and live my life and giving up and finishing it. I have tried before and I am so unhappy all the time, i have people tell me everyday ‘oh its so nice to see you so happy’ when im really not and i dont know what to do about it. I havent been to the doctors and i am to scared to go because i am worried that if it doesnt go well i wont be able to cope with it. I have tried talking to people so many times but no one cares, wants to listen, believes me or has time for it. They just tell me to ‘get over it’. I think about ending everything nearly all of the time, and to be honest my mindset is thats the way it will be when it has to be but one part of me still doesnt want that. Does anyone understand that? I have no way to describe it. I can only use the words i can see that people love me and i am loved by some people, but i cant feel it anymore. No one understands what i am going through right now. Im at the point where i feel as though something is coming that is going to push me a bit too far and i am so confused and worried i just need help 😔

[MattBuckland]

Hi JJ

Might be a quick one as I am on my lunch break but really wanted to respond.

Last year I had those thoughts on a daily basis, all the time and they were so invasive, in the end I had a breakdown and was a gibbering wreck. Example; walked to the park, every step dead slow, went to get a hot chocolate at a kiosk, ended up crouched in a ball, leaning against the kiosk crying my eyes out (the park was packed).

Is everything good now, no. Has life been hard and not brilliant to date, yes.

BUT....

I have has good days and interesting experiences and still am finding new things at 36. If I had gone with those thoughts, there would be no opportunities and no good experience. For me those thoughts were just 'pain relief', it is the 'issues' you need to address, not the symptoms.

My advice would be to seek some help, it is not right or healthy to be having these thoughts (I still do every now and then).

The only caveat is that it is a long hard road and that first step may not always go well, you might get the wrong doctor or advice. It is a case of trying again.

I have to get to work but a, more than happy to talk further.

I will leave you with this;

A lot of the time you will hear that you only get one chance, this is rubbish you get as many shots as you want to take, be kind to yourself.

Hang in ther and talk to us, we do understand.

Matt

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If they don't understand try to make them especially the ones closest to you either a family member or a bestfriend. Im not really good at talking about how i feel so i usually write it down. U can't go through this without help and support

[Petersonaj3]

Need to go too the doctors , talking about it helps , and the tablets will too , I've suffered since I was 17 and killing yourself isn't the answer , think of the hurt and pain you'll leave behind , get too doctors asap or you need a friendly ear just message