Have gone down hill I guess. Husband made me go to the Drs. Dr has made me go to the hospital. Don't want to go back. Asked "do you want to harm anyone". Several times. Why would I want to harm anyone? Have spent all my life looking after people. Visual images of me being dead have stopped, I think. Voices are still telling me that I could stop all this pain. My family wouldn't have to go through all this. Wanting to hide all this rubbish (people may call this symptoms). I've done the maths and it really is rubbish. What is the point. I have a diagnosis for life - is there anywhere you can go, to voluntarily end your life? Husband obviously worried but nobody understands that this is it. This is as good as it gets. Wanting to go through that door.
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Blackclouds-bluesky
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Hi, I did myself so much harm. I never wanted to hurt anyone else but would hurt myself.
You can get through this, what else did your Dr do other than send you to the hospital?
It is really good that your husband was worried enough to get you to see a doctor. Please seek further help because you can love life again and see how much there is to offer for you. You are just in that dark place at the moment and it can get better.
There are different treatments out there that can help you deal with this and I would really suggest that you get help. I am so glad that I did and that I am feeling so much better now.
I don't know. Questions have made me question myself. Is it worse than I think? Do they think I have schitzophrenia?...I don't think I can love life again. Haven't felt that in a very long time. Meds just keep me stable (medically speaking). I have a car crash every day. It's just too much. I have three children to think about. I wish someone would have told me I was going to be ill all my life. All my energy goes into my kids.
Teatime I have a car crash. If I am going to be this poorly then, why can't I make that judgement?
You don't have to be this poorly. I found that I ended up with my mind speeding up and throwing all sorts of negative thoughts at me and reason why I was a terrible person. Getting help to slow your thoughts down and look at why you feel so negative does help.
So if you are just on medication then you should ask what other support and help you are going to get. There is no point in just taking medication if you are not getting help to change how you feel and how you process your thoughts. I found the help I got helped me because I was given help to understand why I thought the things I did and how to change that thought process. I also get help to recognize that I was being really tough on myself and to amend my expectations so that I now feel better when I do things.
I am so thankful that I ensured that my doctor understood I was not going to take medication that I want more help than pills. I worked for me.
You can do things like check what help is available in your area and also the shaw mind foundation website is worth checking out as well.
Thank you for your reply. It's not like me to voice things. I'm a very private person. I can't get to the hospital because they have said I can't drive. I just want to have out.
It's great to hear you have found the help you need. Take care x
It's a lot more than 'just' depression. Why do people say depression?? I apparently have a diagnosis of bi polar.i feel very lucid free thinking thoughts and a rush of energy to being hit by a flood of depression? Every day. It's exhausting and debilitating. Just had enough.
Oh people use "depression" for lack of other titles. I think all of us here know there is much much more to it and that there is no such thing as "Just" depression anymore than "Just" a knife in your lung.
I am sorry you are feeling so very hopelessly tired and done. I can only agree with 20Voices that the doctors should be doing more than just throw pills at you. It is clearly not working on its own and you need more support. You need a professional person to listen to you, to understand all the details of your every day life and then to advise and try different ways of changing your thoughts and behaviours, give you coping tools and help you see situations from other perspectives. No wonder you are feeling like you are a prisoner of your own mind with no way out!
Do you think you know what you need to feel better on a day-to-day level? what I mean is - would you be able to define certain changes,say around the house, that might help? I am guessing here, but for example if the kids are a bit much (which we all know they can be) would it help if you had 1h a day of scheduled you-time? Or you make a plan for all housework, school runs, other tasks so that it takes the pressure off? What would your ideal day be like? It may not work like this at all for you and your life may look different alltogether, but in the same spirit of change, could you paint a picture of a situation here you would be more at peace? Even if it is utopia, it gives you something to work towards and just be a start and a guiding light?
You are worth saving. You are a living, breathing, walking and talking human being. You have children and a husband. You deserve love and safety. You are unique, beautiful and important. You are not defined by your condition, you are a person, a soul and a shard of the universe. You have a purpose and your life is a journey. You are stronger than you think and you are a fighter too. You have come so far and been through so much, don't give up now and don't let other's give up on you. Tell your doctors that you need more, more support, more contact, more advice and more time!
I really hope you can find the energy to take the next step to feeling better. Don't give up!
Thank you for your kind words. I agree, the word depression just doesn't give the demon justice. It is hell.
I'll speak to my dr tomorrow but I don't want to go back to the hospital.
I say kids, my eldest is 21. His girlfriend lives with us too.
Middle one is profoundly autistic and non verbal. 24hr care but absolutely gorgeous in every way.
My one and only daughter has just turned 13. She's a mini me and I think I have basically worried myself sick. I've had to take her out of school to save her. She wasn't coping at all and symptoms progressively becoming worse. I thought she would end up like me if I didn't do anything. Luckily I made the right call, all the major anxiety has gone, she's not mute much at all now and generally coping with life a lot better. Depressive symptoms disappeared.
I can talk and look after my children no matter how ill I get. What I can't do is look after myself.
I have read your advice, I don't like talking to people on a one to one or groups etc. But perhaps you are right and would benefit from talking to someone. Is there an online thing anywhere instead of seeing someone? I'm not able to even give people eye contact, let alone talk.
My husband and my kids are the essential reason that no matter how horrendous things get, i can't act on my thoughts. I have a responsibility. Because of this I feel tortured. My mind feels tortured, physical agony.
You sound very level headed and compassionate. Why are you here? X
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I don't know what to do.
Don't really know what to Title this as...(One LONG paragraph??)
I just don't know
Hi guys - I am new on the site. Here's my story - well part of it!
I have decided to recover.
