confused

hi, I'm very new to this site, so please bare with me, I have had Bipolar now for the last 20 yrs.plus ulcerative colitis.

I was medically retired from my job , 7 yrs ago, and have a 2 grown up kids, my Son is married and lives away from home.so its just me my Husband and 17 year old daughter,

I have only just plucked up the courage to tell her about my illness , because my sister thinks she is old enough to know, my mood can change from full of life one day to staying in bed the day after, and this can go on for weeks .Last . week my Daughter was away so it was just myself and my Husband ,he doesn't understand mental health,and he is not one bit supportive, he will come home from work, open the oven door and" say whats for Tea' I get this rush of panic then try and make something,. When I come around eventually, I tell him I don't think your very supportive , but because he has still stayed with me and never left me, he thinks he's a good husband.

I have quite a close family, who are supportive, and are constantly telling me to come to their houses for a few days, please don't think I sound ungrateful because I'm not, but at the end of the day this is my home, but they are constantly telling me you don't get support at home !!

Even now today he is working, but when he comes home I go all tense start thinking what I'm doing and making, but cause he see's me dressed , I know he is thinking 'She is coming round now'.

Its such a cruel and heart breaking illness, but I accept now I have it, and try my best to cope,but just don't want to disappoint family, because I want to stay in my home!!

[DMM218]

I'm amazed you have kept this from your daughter for so long.

It's your choice as you know your family etc. But when I became depressed my daughter was 10, she visited me in hospital and we talked fully about mental health.

She understood what was happening and stopped worrying I was dying because I was in the hospital.

Over the years she has shown great insight and maturity. All of which helped when she was diagnosed with autism and recently her mental health hasn't been good.

Mum being depressed is a fact of life. We joke about it all the time. I know she is proud of me despite my illness.

There should be no shame in it. People's attitudes are changing. I think you should speak to your family.

Your husband seems quite unhelpful. I'm not sure what to advise, but maybe if your daughter is supportive he might see the seriousness of your mental health.

Let us know how u get on.

[Hidden in reply to DMM218]

Thanks for reply,

I agree I should of told her sooner , I guess I was just scared and kept telling her it was my colitis , I felt ashamed of being depressed, but I'm learning to tell myself now, yeah this is me and its my illness.my partner is very ignorant to my illness, I have talked till I am blue in the face, shown him books leaflets left him notes to read etc it just goes way over his head.

But whether I am slowly coming out of it, I have to take little steps,because it leaves me feeling so drained,, and exhausted, but I have faith, and I'm so glad I have joined this site, its been a life line. And I'm learning to say to myself I'm not mad, and I haven't lost it,im just poorly at the moment, but I will get better.

[DMM218 in reply to Hidden]

Yes lots of people blame themselves but it's an illness with a physical cause -chemical imbalance through long term stress.

Your husband not helping. You could get legal advice about divorce and your house etc. I know it seems drastic but you aren't happy and he's not changing. Even if it takes a few years to decide it might be good to look at your rights etc. are u in the U.K.?

[Hidden in reply to DMM218]

hi yes I'm in Cheshire, and i have thought about separation a number of times, just never had the confidence, but hopefully that will come back, plus I'm 52 now and life is to precious to be unhappy, I will take your notes on board .

[DMM218 in reply to Hidden]

Just start thinking about what is best for you

[Hidden]

hi yes I'm in Cheshire, and I have thought about selling up a few times, just never had the confidence, but hopefully that will come back, plus I'm 52 now, and life is to precious to be unhappy, I will take your notes on board.

[Jadora12]

I feel the same however I have never been diagnosed properly with anything. I mentioned bipolar and all I've had is ibs and gad. I feel whatever is wrong with me isn't those things but no one can seems or wants to help in my eyes. I go off the rails a lot and me too find my boyfriend very disregarding of my feelings and my issues but he doesn't know why I'm like this because my life in a whole looks fine to him which is unfair for him to continue to believe as this is an ongoing issue. Men don't get it there useless but sometimes they try and we can't see it. My boyfriend is so great but also so shit depends how I'm feeling it's crap to have because I feel like one day it'll destroy our relationship

[Hidden]

It's a cruel illness, I woke up yesterday and a propranolol and felt really calm all day. But today I haven't taken one, and I've been up then after a few hours back to bed and now I'm crying., I have forced myself up again because my daughter is going away for a week. And I can't say goodbye, cause I no I will be crying, then she gets upset and tells me to please stop crying it breaks my heart