am I over reacting ??

[vikidi]

Hi everyone... I live in the UK its been 15 months now. I come from Athens, Greece. My family lives there and my 21 year old daughter as well. I've got a nice job here in the UK, a life partner but.... I feel always unhappy. I miss my daughter, i know she is not a little kid but we've been always just me and her... i miss my family, my friends, my hobbies, the Greek weather... I am moaning every single day about everything, I am crying every morning on my way to work... I can't find a single thing to make me happy... My life partner says I'm overreacting....

I've got headaches, and I feel tired from the minute I get up from bed... I am on medication (Ladose) but it doesn't seem to help.... Sometimes I feel desperate....

[DMM218 Ambassador]

Hello, who wouldn't want to live in Greece!

But seriously, it's very hard being so far from home and family. It's a different culture, different language, different food, different weather and it all adds up.

Sometimes moving can become harder as we get older. There is only so much change you can take!

You've been in UK long enough to decide if it suits you or not. Sometimes we can make sacrifices for things where in the long term it reaches a certain goal, or if we are able to put own happiness before others for a time without resentment.( my personal experience of motherhood!)

But this sounds like it's been a problem for a while and you've not got that goal to aim for.

Your partner appears not to understand you. Saying you are overreacting is not fair. It's not what you are doing by your account of your feelings.

Maybe sit down and talk it over with him. Is he supporting you during this unhappiness?

I think you need to weigh up what's right for you overall after you've spoken to him. Living a miserable unhappy life is not the life anyone deserves. You have the right to feel happy, to feel settled and at home. It's a very instinctive thing.

Talk it over with him and other people you trust. It's a lot to decide on so it may take time. There may be an alternative to moving back to Greece that would suit both you and partner.

Please let us know how you get on, I'm sure other people will respond with their ideas. Take care.

[vikidi in reply to DMM218]

Thank you so much for your reply... Changing your life at the age of 40 is sometimes more hard than somebody can expect.... Plus, he keeps saying to me: "If you love me, you should be happy with me here"... is this the way it should be? am I doing something wrong?

[Hidden in reply to vikidi]

Hi nice to meet you and welcome to the site. You know how you feel so never let anyone tell you that is wrong or you shouldn't be feeling that, even (or especially) your partner. What he is saying is he should be enough for you not to miss your daughter and the rest of your family. I don't see how that can be. He needs to acknowledge how you feel and help you try to come to terms with it. Is your partner Greek too?

Greece isn't very far from the UK so would it be enough to be able to visit or have your family visit you frequently? That way maybe you could have the best of both worlds.

If you are not happy here though and you have tried everything you can think of you will need to make some tough decisions. You have to put yours own needs first and not the needs of your partner. Good luck with it. x

[vikidi in reply to Hidden]

Believe it or not...he is Greek! And yes, he wants to be the source of all my happiness.... I said that I mss not only my family and my little girl but also my friends, my social life, my hobbies, etc..

He said I am insulting him saying that!!!!

[Hidden in reply to vikidi]

Does he consider the reverse is true - that you are the source of all his happiness? Or is it double standards? He sounds a bit controlling.

[DMM218 Ambassador in reply to vikidi]

You aren't doing anything wrong. He should be more understanding and expecting one person to be source of all happiness is unhealthy.

Ask yourself what if it was other way round, would you behave towards him as he is. I'm presuming he isn't Greek?

Would he consider moving for you to be happy?

Another option is living apart for a month at a time or as you can afford airfares etc. Allowing you to go between U.K. And Greece.

[NFDK in reply to vikidi]

You are not doing ANYTHING wrong by feeling the way you do and he should DEFINITELY be more supportive, rather than coming out with ridiculous statements like that. Sorry, but I get angry when I hear abusive nonsense like that. I think you are missing the closeness of your culture also, but please say if I am wrong x

[Hidden]

Can you not arrange a break out to Greece, I will come with you as there are several historic sites I would love to visit once more. Lol

Serious, would it not be possible for you, or can your daughter not visit you here.

That may help you feel a little bit brighter than you do now

BOB