Why me...

[Leo142]

I stand up i try to better myself and everytime i get my foot in the door of life it decides i need a little kick and its a endless cycle my mums depressed and shes 50 do i really wanna be depressed all my life its like why even stay around to just feel the pain of having my loved ones die (my cat was found dead yesterday and its really hit me) it wasnt just any cat he was part of the family part of the pride he was my baby and someone took him from me.. i have a big family but im alone im drowning with no one able to see me that the person inside isnt ok that im not fine i want help i need help but i just cant say it i said it before and it all blew over in a month of everyone finding out i had a eating disorder nothing really changed nothing ever changes life sucks my life sucks i dont want to be here but i have to guilt tripped into living a miserable life because i have a big family thats too many people to upset with me ending this shitty existence i just want to sleep when its dark outside i want to wake up before 12 i want to be happy with myself i just want to be happy instead of crying my eyes out at 5am with no one to talk to

[DMM218 Ambassador]

Life is a series of knocks. And we do struggle to get to our feet. But we can use that to strengthen us, to focus on what we really want out of life.

Your down, really down. Depression isn't nice, you are stripped of pleasure, stripped of hope and stripped of remembering who you are. No wonder we want to lie down and die.

Depression is an illness. It happens to you, not because if you.

It is treatable, it doesn't have to chronic, it can be managed.

But you need help and support to get through it. Professional medical help. Loving family and friends help if possible.

A big family can sometimes feel like just more expectations shoved on you. But, a big family can protect too.

You talk about an eating disorder so I'm imagining things have been extremely difficult for some time. You've probably lived with extreme stress for years. That creates the situation for depression to appear.

Talk openly and honestly can help, you might just be too weary for that at the moment,

But you aren't alone. Someone is listening and caring. Your tears are seen.

So, use this site to talk through things to prepare you for talking with family. Use us to get some strength and determination back.

You are stronger than you think.

Let me know how you are doing.

[Hidden]

Leo

Yes most people go through phases in life where they get a kick in the pants, as you try and make something of yourself. You are not alone and I do understand when we loose a Pet that has given us unconditional love, and never judge our actions. I lost our first dog six years ago, He was a Pat Dog in a Mental Health Information Centre and to the members and my Wife etc it was a real unbearable loss. We now have a new Dog completely different to Pip and in the beginning it took a while not to compare Pip with Pax.

Give yourself time and get over the loss, we went abroad for about 3/4 weeks before we applied to Dogs Trust for our new puppy, in fact Pax chose us. You will find a new companion if that is what you want, let yourself grieve the loss before you make a decision regarding that. Remember you looked after and fed your companion and it is only right you feel the way you do.

When it comes to family I moved away from them all they were real pains in the neck, so now I do not know if they are alive or dead, that was my decision and I will live with that.

You have now understand the need of getting help so now make that positive step and see your GP, who can arrange a treatment plan for you. He can arrange for you to see a CPN Nurse who will talk out your problems with you and explain coping skills, It may be you will not need medications, just some changes to life choices. You need to understand negative feelings caused by Depression, you may only have one attack, or you could suffer at different times of your life. People who suffer all the time are just a small group of patients. the chances are you will get better and move on with your life.

I did make changes big ones, although that may not be the case with you.

I generally look for diversions, hobbies or activities I enjoy that should help you with your depression as you enjoy these activities Give it a try.

BOB

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Leo142, I am sorry to hear that things are difficult for you. I am also sorry to hear about the loss of your cat. As Bob has said in his post, pets give us unconditional love and never judge our actions. I do think is is important for you to make an appointment to see your doctor so that you can explain how you are feeling. He/she will be able to help you. Please remember that you are not alone and stay in contact with the forum for support. Best wishes.