I have had more than one person should have to take I wont let it male me who i am ANYMORE

[aaustinintexas]

Everybody that is supossed to love me is dead,My grown kids are unbelievably rude I have had nightmares since the desert in 90 from doing g that one deed that I had to do while my everybody else died Im alone completly and if thrre is a reson for this what is it

[DMM218]

I can't give you a reason for the suffering you've experienced in life. To suffer pain is a natural part of life. Pain is there to tell us something is wrong. It looks like you have had more pain and suffering in life.

There is pain we can avoid and pain that we have to accept or tolerate.

Losing loved ones is difficult. It can make you feel incredibly lonely and vulnerable. But they left you with memories. They helped and supported you in life and taught you many things. Don't let your grief forget those lessons. Remember them in how you live so their life has meaning.

Children often disappoint and disrespect, this is part of their life lesson. As we become independent we often reject our parents to prove we are capable of making our own decisions. As a parent your job is to love, support and guide. This is much harder than it sounds. Whilst you should never tolerate abuse you can tolerate disrespect. Their choice of behaviour to you is a sign of their personality and not yours. Be the bigger person because as a dad what they need is acceptance. We hurt the ones we love the most because we know they won't give up on us, so often we become a surrogate for other problems that they can't deal with. Talk to them.

You've experienced unimaginable horrors in war. Thank you for doing more than your duty to your country. No one can fully understand this except other survivors. I'm not one of them. There is an idea from the holocaust that the survivors must bear witness to those horrors to tell the world the truth and prevent such things in the future. I think you need to talk about your experiences with someone to make sense of it all. Whether that is in therapy or a support group or over a few beers I don't know.

Do not suffer in silence anymore. Reach out and express how you feel, you aren't alone but maybe you need to meet a different person to talk to as your family aren't there for you at the moment.

Take care.

[Hidden in reply to DMM218]

Great reply! x

[Gambit62]

aaustinintexas, have you been in touch with the veterans association at all?

It does sound as if you are very isolated and may be being in touch with people who really have been through the same situation and experienced the degree of closeness that comes with being caught up together in those situations may help. There are also a number of physical conditions, some of which get worse/more likely as you get older, that can affect your ability to cope with stress so it is worth getting checked out for those.

Here in the UK we have an organisation called 'combat stress' which specialises in helping veterans who are suffering from the aftermath of the situations they have found themself in. It takes courage to admit to the problems so it generally takes years and decades for people to realise that they need help but it does sound - from the nightmares - that you are suffering from PTSD - which is a perfectly normal reaction consequence of living through some exceptionally abnormal situations. I am sure that the VA must have or have contact with an organisation that is there to help people like yourself.

I feel for you - I spent decades just waiting for the day when I didn't wake up in the morning but for me it turned out to be a vitamin imbalance which I have now managed to correct and I really am not in that place any more - and sometimes it can be difficult for me to remember what that place really was like but I know I've been there and I know that escape is possible.