I really can't do this anymore

I honestly feel like I've come to the end, I'm 36 male, I have no job, no friends and I'm ashamed of the person I am. I live with my mum, my dad passed away in 2012, so she is the only company I have. I've always been anxious as far back as I can remember, bullied throughout school and most of my life really. I feel so insignificant and feel lnferior to my family and everyone else. I keep asking why I'm here, what's the point? I keep telling myself I've screwed my life up beyond repair and it's better just to end it! The guilt of not working and voices telling me I'm disgusting and pathetic are eating me alive. How did I ever let it get to this? I wish I had the courage to take my own life, it really is painful to live right now.

18 Replies

  • I'm sitting here with a lot of the same thoughts as you but I know that it takes more strength to keep going and I think you need someone to talk to you if you want you can feel free to message me privately maybe there's a way to help each other

  • Hello.....you sound like the male version of me,i could have almost written that well most of it. I like to offer you my email but dont want to post it for everyone to see. We are deffinately in the same position in life which helps to know your not alone. Can we send private messages on here....im fairly new to this site, would love to talk to you.

  • Hi you can send private messages on here. You click on the persons name and it brings up there profile. There is an option there to message them.

  • Thank you angep....feeling very silly now i have discovered the correct button 😶

  • Don't worry I'm no tech expert it was more luck than sense that I found it!!😂

  • Hi, if I may say you are as much a part of this world as the rest of us. You certainly arnt insignificant. Other people in the past made you feel this way about yourself. I'm sorry you lost your father, to lose a parent is truly heartbreaking. You need to build your self esteem up, try helping others by volunteering. Look up in your area who needs volunteers. Even local charity shops need those. You will be able to meet people and knowing you are doing something worth while is good for the soul. You can get yourself out of this rut you are in. You do have the strength. Dig deep and find it, take some control because you really can change your life.

  • I love the volunteering idea! Thank you for this. This helps me, too! :)

  • hello. I have the same thoughts as you. I have realised these are the same thoughts as many. Therefore, you are not on your own!!!It is terrible this comparison thing, I do it myself. It is very upsetting feeling like you have been left behind and feeling inferior. Thing is in the end we are all going the end the same way and no one is going to remember what job you did and whether you lived with your mum aged 36 ( I spend most of my time with my mum aswell).

    Sorry about your father. I don't know your situation, but I would suggest seeing your gp about some counselling or meds. In some areas you can self refer for counselling. Then I would take some baby steps towards getting where you want to be. Nothing is lost and if you can get a grip of these thoughts you can work towards what you want.

    It is so difficult, I know. I am there with you. But somethings small little victories can take you out of the whole. You have to forget what others think of you and start planning for a better life for YOU. Not your family etc.

    Best of luck

  • Some years ago I was in a similar position to you, and I was facing some serious financial problems as well. I had no friends, no job and I couldn't pay the mortgage - me and mum were facing losing our house, and the only solution I could see was to take my own life, in such a way as to ensure a financial payout from my life insurance policy. Obviously, this didn't happen - but at the time, I was absolutely convinced it was the right thing to do. I had decided she'd be better off without me, as I felt I was useless to her anyway and was convinced I had no future.

    Looking back, I realise that taking my life would have destroyed my mum, and that she'd rather have lived with me in our car than have to bury me and go on alone. Just remember that you are important to her, and your material 'success' in life, a wholly subjective thing, is irrelevant to how she sees you. Don't even consider taking your life, for her sake. I am just thankful

  • (continued) that I didn't do anything stupid back then - things worked out and we spent the next 2 decades together, until she finally succumbed to ill health and passed away 18 months ago. Stay strong for her.

  • Thank you robomark

  • I agree with you and couldn't face the harm that ending it all would cause to those I love. That is what keeps me going although it is still hard.

  • I'd also like to say that you shouldn't feel bad about yourself just because you haven't been lucky enough to find yourself in a niche in society where your talents can be exploited to your benefit. I think it's sad that society moulds us, bullies us, makes us what we are, locks us into social strata which we cannot escape from, deprives us of opportunity then bombards us with imagery of successful people and tells us we are failures because we can't find fame and fortune ourselves. We don't fail in life, it's life that fails us.

  • Totally agree with this!

  • Hi this sounds like depression to me. Have you been to your doctor to ask for help. Suicidal thoughts are always a red flag so please go. Meds and/or counselling should be able to help.

    Please don't consider suicide until you have tried everything to help. This can take time but you will get there. Have hope.

  • Dig deep and force yourself to get out there into the world (gym, running club, volunteering, working on your local nature reserve, book group, choir. And try Meetup - no end of different groups you can join). It may be really hard at times but at some point you'll discover something you really enjoy and it will then become part of your life.

    It doesn't matter if your life doesn't conform to the so-called norm. But what does matter is if your life doesn't conform to what you want it to be. So go out there and do everything you can to change the bits you can change. You are far far stronger than you realise.

  • Hello Harv_Singh I suffer with depression to the the point that I do not like to leave the house. I have had tons of jobs too, good jobs and i quit them all. It is a constant struggle for me too, I don't like how I lead my life but I really have trouble coping. I have a gym membership but I won't go, idk what the deal is, but don't end your life we have to push through this and find what makes us happy life, actually the virgin islands made me well....but I can't afford to live there!

  • I keep thinking to myself when I say "what have a got to lose" that surely that also means I have lots of choices. It is equally hard making major changes when you do have a lot to lose I guess! I try and see life as full of new opportunities. If I hate what I have then there is nothing stopping me starting afresh. I realise it isn't always that simple but by thinking that way, I soon realise that there are still things I would love to do so life is worth it. So I am then left realising that it is not my life I want to end but instead the life I am living. So now I just need to find the strength and courage to start a new journey and the starting point is always to be kind to ourselves. Hang in there and best wishes.

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