This is me

[Maddie427]

I am a 36 yrs old mom, daughter and partner. I feel like I'm failing at all three. My son has ADHD, ODD, emotional disturbance and anxiety. My mother is a walking bomb, she has all types of health issues. And for the past two years my relationship with my sons father has been very rocky. I'm a catholic and I know suicide is wrong but it has been in my thought a lot lately.

[Kobojunkie]

If you are in the U.S, please try to get yourself to the nearest Emergency room. Killing yourself will only rob you of the chance to be a better mom/daughter and partner. So, toss that idea out the window please.

If you are not in the U.S please, please look for a good psychiatrist who listens and includes you in the process and start there. The key to quality health care is making sure you are involved in the decision-making process. The choice of treatment plan, medication, and even therapy.

Once you can get yourself that, you can also try get your son that too, and your mother, I am not sure there is much you can do there but accept you have a bomb for a mother .LOL

[Maddie427 in reply to Kobojunkie]

I am in the US and at the moment I have government insurance due to me losing my job about seven months ago. I asked my doctor for a referral to see a psych back in November and I'm still waiting.

[Kobojunkie in reply to Maddie427]

You don't wait for your doctor to get you a referral. Call the insurance company and ask for help from that end. Some doctors think their time is too valuable to spend looking for doctors who accept medicaid.

Also search online for community mental health centers that can help you get to see a doctor, check out the local county hospitals to see if you can get help there. We are talking Mental health here, this is about your brain- your life. Don't leave responsibility for it in the hands of anyone else or they will surely let you down.

Medicaid is better than nothing, and it works if you are willing to use it.

[Maddie427 in reply to Kobojunkie]

Thank you

[Hidden]

I'm sorry to hear that Maddie. Suicidal thoughts can be very distressing and frightening. What kind of support do you access? x

[Maddie427 in reply to Hidden]

At the moment I have no support, I have no one to talk to. This is why I turned to the internet for help and found this place.

[sweetiepye]

Hello Maddie , I don't believe you want to kill yourself. I think you are over whelmed with concerns and problems with out support from anyone. Naturally you want all of this to go away. So we need to figure out how problems go and Maddie stays.Is your sons father in the help or hinder group? Let him choose one or the other. It sounds harsh but you don't need an extra burden. Mom, what to do?Does she live with you? Are you the only one responsible for her? There are different solutions depending on her circumstance. Your son should be your priority, after all he is the one truly dependent on you. I imagine you've had him to all the Doctors and it's come down to medicate or not. He will grow up and you should be preparing him to survive on his own. Would you be able to send him to a Catholic school / If you send him to a public school I believe they have to meet his needs in order to educate him If you only do one thing make it for your son, and that means work on his mother. So 2 things, only two. Find out what you need to do for your sons education and find a therapist for yourself. You are going to need some support through this.Pam, who is cheering you on.

[Maddie427 in reply to sweetiepye]

Your words are very comforting thank you

[Hidden]

See if ther are any parent support groups near you. I run them in the uk and the parents find them really helpful. Often when you have a child with additional needs it can make you feel very alone and unsure of yourself. By attending a group you can learn new skills as well as get support from the other parents. Knowing you are not the only one helps. Having social support will help your mood as well, especially if you can make friends with some of the other mums and go out for coffee etc with them. Hope you start to feel brighter soon x