My husband has suffered from depression for the last 20 years, he has had various medication over the years but is currently on 40mg Citalopram and Propanaol (up to 3 times a day). He can suffer the most terrible mood swings which make him feel terrible and makes the rest of his family feel terrible too.
Quite often his mood swings are caused by one of our children being naughty, they are not awful children by any stretch of the imagination, but they are 11 and 9 and as you can imagine have their moments of being challenging. Quite often when I am trying to deal with their moods, he will swing in to a depressive mood and end up getting angry at himself and then have feelings of feeling uselessness.
He has a terrible mis-trust of doctors too, which does not make it easy in getting him the right help and support he needs. When first diagnosed he had great support from counsellors etc that got him through it, but now it is struggle to even get him to see the GP. About 18 months ago he had a terrible episode and ended up in hospital, but since then has seen his GP and refused to go any further with any Psychiatric help offered to him. He will go and see his GP and say everything is fine, because at that moment it is, reality is he has bad times and won't seek the help when he is feeling down. He prefers to deal with it himself.
As you can imagine this puts a great strain on our family life, our children feel upset that they have caused his bad moods and I am stuck in the middle trying to support him but also provide a stable family life for the children. I have thought many times of leaving him, but when things are good they make up for the bad and I do not want to do this. He is the father of my children and they love him to bits.
I don't really know what I am asking for here, just finding someone to talk to I guess as I do not have any friends that I can express my feelings to.