Confidence without alcohol... Possible? :/

[Stephlouiseharibo]

I hope I don't sound like a little kid but I got a message of a guy I really like asking me out but I'm so scared. I don't want to let him down, but if I go I know I will end up getting really drunk because I believe alcohol gives me confidence. I should not be like this. I'm so pathetic. FML

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hi steph,

I don't mean to be dispiriting but I'm not sure we'll have much advice for you on that. You really need to know why it is that you don't have self confidence. If it's because of depression then we can help and tell you what we all do ourselves for that, but if it's something else then the tools we use won't necessarily help.

You are not in any way pathetic though, loads of people find self confidence difficult.

Themys

[chloe40]

Sorry Stephlouiseharibo

Cannot help with this problem.

Chloe

[mysmugcat]

Hi I think I use alcohol a bit for confidence too. Could you go somewhere with no alcohol? Maybe be honest with him, don't make a big deal of it, just say you're a bit nervous?

[sweetiepye]

Do you consider yourself an alcoholic ?Maybe somewhere in your head you are warning yourself this isn't a good thing for you to do. This wouldn't occur to a person without a problem with alcohol.Self confidence can only come from you, you accomplish something, feel good about yourself and you are on your way to being confident . You do this again and again and you won't need anything to give you false confidence . We all have to find our own way to confidence. You are not pathetic you are being smart. Try telling your friend that you would really enjoy getting together if there is no drinking involved. You don't need to explain yourself and it will build your respect for your self. Consider this depression preventive treatment. Have courage, my friend. Pam

[Olderal]

Hello,Steph , you have to tackle this now otherwise everytime you go out with someone new, alcohol,or too much of it is always going to be the elephant in the room, as you're always going to end up in situations if this first date develops into anything ,where alcohol is available.

This is a guy who you really like and if he's asked you out he presumably likes what he's seen of you. Just tell him you're not always confident in new social situations and have used alcohol in the past to overcome this and don't want this happening again and ask him to help you in making sure you don't drink overmuch. A couple of drinks over a reasonable period will help relax you but you should n't need any more than this to relax, and if he's worth anything he is n't going to want to see you drink any more than this. Any more than a couple of drinks and there's usually a danger that even people who are attracted to each other will start seeing things in each other they are not so keen on.

Alcohol will make you lose your inhibitions ,not give you confidence. They may look and feel similar but there is a big difference. Having too much alcohol will let him down , but you'd be letting yourself down far more. For most people their embarassing memories involve alcohol, and these are not the same memories as when they felt very confident.

Olderal

[new411]

Hi Steph, if you can't limit your alcohol then steer clear of it. You will give him the wrong impression then it could be over before it's started.

Practice being confident e.g. Fake it till you make it.

Main thing is to keep calm breathing techniques help with this. Also don't put all your eggs in one basket the pressure can make you more nervous. Just think to yourself if it's meant to be it will if not move on.

[patticake9]

Hi Steph I also like to have a drink out on dates. Have a good time but you don't want to offend him on your first date. Does your date drink?