Hi Folks first time poster, putting what I'm feeling into .. I guess context.

I signed up here at Christmas but haven't really logged on at all since then.

So I guess to start off, a little backstory.

I've been on Citalopram 20mg for about 4 years now. It started at the birth of our first child. For years before that I was in a job I wasn't really enjoying no matter how hard I tried. It was all I wanted to do from when I was a kid. Then when we had our baby panic mode set in, I felt that was it, I was stuck in this job with no hope of escape because now I have this thing relying on me to provide.

The commute was long (some days upwards of 2hrs each way) and having to balance Work, Travel and Baby there was really no time left for me. I felt like a Husk going through the motions.

I'm pretty sure I had post-natal depression. I assumed my role and just had to get on with it no matter how miserable I felt. I discussed how I was feeling with my wife and she suggested I go see the doctor. That's when I started on Citalopram.

.... fast forward to 2016 ....

I'd been having talk therapy for a few weeks now. However, still in the same job, long commute and spinning all those plates that you have to as an adult. Now we have a second child. I'd been applying for jobs to see if I could get out of this hole and try and work towards a better life. All had been unsuccessful.

Then the summer came, and things changed. I received a phonecall from a company I'd previously interviewed at. They were now in a position to offer me a place that better suited me. The job was 10 minutes away.

I changed jobs and it was like a breath of fresh air. The people were great, the me time I now have and my social calendar is fit to burst. Things are thankfully on the up!

One thing I've noticed however, is I have these moments were I'm on top of the world everything is great, then boom I have moments of lowness and then moments of feeling good but feeling somewhat guilty about it...

I went to the doctor to discuss this and he said the likely cause of it is I've been feeling low or flat for so long that I am somewhat more sensitive to emotion. He said it was kind of like heart palpitations, they are normal and and in most cases harmless but when you come aware of it, you really notice it.

I don't disagree with that diagnosis at all and infact I think it's probably a fair assessment much like blinking or breathing, they are things that happen but when someone mentions it you start to notice it more (sorry).

He mentioned an app that people are raving about but couldn't remember the name, he said it might help putting the emotions I'm feeling into more context. Does anyone know of good mental health apps available to check out?

Anyway, I've rambled on too long. I hope my story gives some hope to people in similar positions. I'm still on the road to recovery but that light is getting brighter and I never believed it would.

Thanks for reading!

[Tracey1972]

Hi sounds like u on the right road i'm happy for u and hope I keep going the right way , i'm suffering at the moment in a very low place i'm on fluoxetine justvtrstsrted them 20mg and i'm having cbt therapy had my first one last week and she said I have hit the bottom big time I keep crying for no reason feels like the end of the world , but i'm going to get through it I got to I have family and lots great friends around me tonhelp me but it's the evening s or when i'm alone I find it hard try to keep busy reading etc but i'm not got the patients to do it but well done u keep up the good work x

[Hidden in reply to Tracey1972]

It is those moments when your mind is allowed to wonder that are the worst. During my talk therapy we discussed Projection especially the worst case scenario in any given situation, comparing myself to others and always in the lesser and the fear.

I read a book. 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' it was the book that inspired me to just apply for those jobs and go for it.

Good luck and all the best!

[Biggles22]

Possibly a Headspace app. It's free to try but a years subscription is cheaper if you become a member of anxiety uk.

[Hidden in reply to Biggles22]

ah! Yes I think he did say something about Headspace. I'll check it out. Thanks very much

[Olderal]

Afraid I can't answer your questions on the app etc but am really delighted that things have improved so much for you. I would n't worry too much about brief low moments , its the long spells of down that you endured until the new job that are the worry.

You now have your reward for enduring these and I hope life says good and maybe improves still further for you. Enjoy your new family.

Olderal

[Hidden in reply to Olderal]

Thanks very much for the kind words.

I'm not really sure why I wrote the rest, was nice to share it somewhere. Maybe it'll give someone else that added hope.

[chloe40]

Hello am333 and a very warm welcome to our friendly Forum here on Action on Depression. Please acquaint yourself with our Community Guidelines and best wishes to you.

Chloe

[Hidden in reply to chloe40]

Thank you very much. Read and acquainted.

[mysmugcat]

We have some similarities. Not sure of that exact app.

[Hidden in reply to mysmugcat]

I think Biggles22 was right, it's the headspace app. I'm going to have a looksie now.

I hope all is well (or getting there) with you