An alternative approach: Dear all, As... - Mental Health Sup...

Mental Health Support

31,615 members17,253 posts

An alternative approach

Catmag profile image
3 Replies

Dear all,

As we head towards a new year, I thought I would share a new approach I've adopted, to reduce anxiety within family relationships.

I was getting very stressed whenever my brother was around. Then there was a misunderstanding with my niece. Both relationships used to be good, but had changed significantly. I wanted to fix both, but I was really unsure how to. Through conversation I was asked: "do you need to fix things?"

Further discussion gave me a lot to think about. And I came to a conclusion. I knew that we could be civil to one another in company. I did not wish to cause any problems involving the whole family. So, I decided, I would treat my brother and niece the way I knew I should and in the way my parents would expect me to. If this was not reciprocated that was fine.

So, I have kept my counsel on this and I'm no longer stressed when either of them are around. I don't expect anything from them & nothing they say or do surprises or upsets me.

I am relaxed, before, during and after any gathering and I'm happy knowing that I am treating them the way I should.

Slowly they are both less confrontational and have been more communicative recently. I can't describe the relief this approach has given me.

I hope this info might help someone take a new approach to a problem in the new year.

Best wishes, Catherine.

Written by
Catmag profile image
Catmag
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
3 Replies
chloe40 profile image
chloe40

That's a real achievement Catmag

It's strange that we so often hold the key to the solution of our worries but don't realise it and I'm so happy that you have come to a decision that brings inner peace for you.

Chloe

I am so pleased you have been able to move on with these relationships. People have disagreements with family, it is just one of those things.

I wish you all well for 2017

BOB

Well done. One of the most important lessons to learn in life is that while you can't change other peoples attitude you can change your own towards it. It gives you back control.

I found that out about 18 years ago when faced with the combined fury of my mother and one of my sisters. They were shouting really vicious things at me and their eyes were snapping like jackels. I just looked at them both and kept very calm. Eventually it took the wind out of both their sails especially my mother.

I then turned to them both in turn and said 'I don't know you' turned on my heel and walked out. I didn't speak to either of them for 3 months. They never tried that again.

Ok afterwards I was really upset and in floods of tears, but they never knew that. x

Not what you're looking for?

You may also like...

Living with an alcoholic father

Id like to start this off by sayin I love my dad sooo much I think by writing this I’m sort of...
Lilmis profile image

Crying pain suffering

My Mum passed away just recently, my Brother went to the registrar today and the registrar refused...

Feel betrayed by my family

Hi I was diagnosed with Borderline in 2000 after a nervous breakdown following a drug rape and...
Serenity61 profile image

Has anyone changed their whole support system?

I am currently in a process of filtering out people in my life who I don’t have reciprocated...
Tikirob profile image

Trapped in the cycle of abuse.

My family have been trapped in an abusive cycle for generations. My mother and her mentally...
Owlz profile image

Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.

Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.