Understanding life itself

[Clem5666]

Hi

Not Ben on here for a while but I do read most of the posts on here whether they are old or new. A lot of them touch on the subject of self harm or wanting to start a fresh and to be honest I am going through that once again today. I am going to cut to the chase who would really miss me if I took my own life? Who would benefit from me being a non existent person? Because I really do not know. I work for the public sector 6 days a week just to prevent myself doing this. I love a certain female but every time I try to speak to her I just get nothing my immediate and close family I speak on a regular basis but all I can think of is starting again from scratch being born to reliving my life. So my question is am I any better being dead or being alive?

And before anyone starts to try and talk me out of it no these results are not going to get me dead I will never do it. This is just so I have an idea that's sll!!😁

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If you are asking that question, you need to talk to your GP. If the concern is imminent, please call a the NHS Helpline on 111 they will talk to you and decide how to help you. A Crisis Team can be called or taken in to a place of safety

You could at least talk to your GP and arrange CBT. Sometimes the talking to someone may help.

[sweetiepye]

Let me ask you this...who would you miss? whose life would be less without you? If you answer no one to those questions then you haven't been helping, or supporting any one.You could try making a small part of your daily life about others. It can be simple, like driving some one some where, or carrying in groceries, anything that makes you a small part of someone else's life will enrich your own. Don't waste this gift.

[CJ2016]

So in hindsight, you are trying to find the answer to the meaning of your life?(why you are here) You can never really ask anyone else what is the meaning of your life because they don't know.

You can ask your self a 1000 times,i ask my self a 1000 times,"why am i here" "what is the meaning of my life","what's the point of everything","am i just living my life for others",etc,etc.

You could live a 100 life's(born again,again,and again) but in the end we still end up in the same place,still end up the same way.

If you died,if i died,if anyone died,life would still go on,but it should never be about dying,although dying plays a big part of living.

Personally i don't think there is anyway or form to start "fresh" because you will be born on the same planet,in the same society,the same way,and experience similar thing's that you have already experienced throughout your life.

I think if a lot of people "could" restart their life,and do thing's differently,they would,but "ending it your self" does not guarantee that outcome,death is death no matter how it happen's nobody know's what happens after you die,and its basically a game of russian roulette.

Life is a game of russian roulette,in that we are always looking down the barrel of a gun,you never know when the bullet will finally come out of that chamber.

But it's not about how you die,it's about how you live,there are day's,week's and month's where you can feel your walking over that edge,walking in darkness,or feel nothing at all,but in that darkness,that loneliness,you have to look for that small glimmer of hope.

The smallest of light's can light up the darkest of places,you just got to find that small light,no matter how small it is,because it gives you a path to at least follow through the darkness,it does not matter what is at the end of that light,it's there to guide you,to help you focus on some small aspect of your being,as you journey through that darkness within.

As long as your breathing,you can change the world in whatever way you wish,as can anyone,it's not about changing the world as a whole,but changing it for anything that lives and breath's it can be another person or an animal.

You can give a homeless person a few ££,you might see it as irrelevant,but they see it as hope,it changes their view,it may even change their their world,you can give a stray animal some food,some attention,you might see it as irrelevant,but you give that animal hope,and most of all love.

At times people forget love is not just about "cupid",it's about just being there,for others be it on two legs,four legs,or a million leg's,it does not matter,you may think your self irrelevant,but for all you know,you could be someone's small light,small glimmer of hope.

Dont worry about the "big picture",just take it a step at a time.

Just go with the motion of the ocean and ride out the big waves because you can do more alive,then what you can when your dead,so make the most of your life while you can,because once the light goes out,well who know's.

[Clem5666]

Guys

Thanks for your advice and your answers.

The main reason why I asked to start of with is that I heard and read a lot about mental health and why people ridicule others but mainly because over the last 5 maybe 10 years these issues have been brought to life with a lot of famous sports persons and actors (male and female) coming to terms with their illnesses. One that comes to my mind is one of my sport idols and that is Mr Frank Bruno and the trials and tribulations that he and his family go through no different than any other being going through. I know I have my demons and I also have to keep fighting on a daily basis. I have no idea of taking my life or hitting the reset button. I was just putting feelers out there to seek answers which I have no answers for.

My apologies if I have offended any one.

Again thanks.

[sweetiepye in reply to Clem5666]

Well , you have offended me. This site is not a place to play games and the people here have illnesses that devastate their lives, or are even life threatening An honest forthright person would have been up front with their question and the reason for it. Shame on you.

[Clem5666 in reply to sweetiepye]

My reason for this is that I too like so many people in this world have to deal with the fact that life is never a game nor is my illness. So yes some comments I make can be offensive but with no intentions to harm anyone. Having to wake up after 2 hrs sleep for the last few years deciding if my life is worth living having seen what my friends and colleagues being a casualty of war cry over the littlest thing which most people take for granted just to end their demons so yes that's why I asked that particular question. I have 2 things which keep me from leaving this world the first my 10 yr old niece who I have only seen for 2 years of her life and the other is a woman who I love and respect fully to my last breath on this planet. Without them I would just take my life without a blink of my eye so I too like so many can sleep.

So please there is my reason for my quiry for the question

[Clem5666 in reply to Clem5666]

Just for interest I am a Bipolar sufferer like 1 in 100 people suffer from

[sweetiepye in reply to Clem5666]

Then you of all people should be more sensitive . I'm not questioning your right to question I am offended by your way of doing it. Everyone here has a story like yours which they do not use as an excuse for unkindness. I suspect you have something else going on now that you might want to talk about, and we are just taking the long way around to get there. I'm starting to calm down a little now. No harm, no foul?

[Clem5666 in reply to sweetiepye]

There is no harm caused here it was to find out if there are other people out there who go through and have a better understanding of what I go through that was all. I had been to the shrink I have been to the GP just to keep on getting different answers all the time. I don't need the crisis team right this instance but I know they are there if I need them the same as the smaritains but I know there are others who may be willing to help with another possible answer to help with what I am going through because they have been there and have controlled these feelings hence the title.