Insecurities and cheating rumours

Hi, I'm a 21 year old girl who has been diagnosed with moderate depression as well as dealing with high levels of anxiety.

For the last 9 months, life has been absolute hell. My mum left my dad for another man, and abandoned us. She used to be my best friend and losing that relationship has been hard, also because of this, it had lead to the fear of me being abandoned and hurt just like my dad, which leads to the struggle with my boyfriend.

I have been with my partner for about a year and a half and I can honestly say I love him so much. He's had to deal with my anger and outbursts which he has been on the receiving end of and is still here to help me. Over the past 9 months my mental health has deteriorated, my insecurities are at an all time high and my anxiety is truly awful

when I first met my boyfriend he had been split from his ex girlfriend for around 4 months however he was still in contact because during the time they were together he had helped raise her son from a previous relationship where the guy didn't want anything to with the baby, therefore my partner stepped in and took on the role as dad. However she threatened him that if he ever found anyone else then he would no longer be allowed to see the child, pretty much in spite because he wasn't with her. So he tried to keep her sweet and stay on the right side of her, so when we began seeing each other he kept it quiet from her. 3 months down the line, she found out about us by snooping on my Facebook and social media etc and went on to message me saying that my partner had slept with her 8 times whilst we had started seeing each other. She then went on to say she had proof and basically sent me screen shots of text messages between them where he was saying that he wished things had worked it between them etc but nothing to do with having sex. I confronted my partner and he insisted that he had never slept with her since they were together and that those messages were to keep her sweet so he could still see her child because he thought the world of him.

She then turned around and cut contact anyway, even though a few weeks later she said she would allow him to see him only if she was there and it was at her house

My partner then said no to this because he thought she would then make up even more stuff to try and get between us.

The thing that gets me about this is that my partner was like oh, any girl would say that if they were jealous over their ex. But, I just can't put myself in those shoes because I don't think I would lie about sleeping with someone to hurt someone else. At the end of the day I don't know the girl but my partners family said she was a nasty piece of work.

But I feel so insecure at the moment that I'm doubting myself and what happened and I Don't know if I am over thinking the situation or not - but is it someone being malicious trying to split us up because they're jealous? Or is it someone who really loved my partner and felt led on by him and is telling the truth?

My partner insists its all lies and denies doing anything to hurt me but every time I think about this at the moment it kills me 😔 Help!

3 Replies

  • It's always difficult to find the truth in a situation and no-one on here can tell you whether she was lying or not, but as she was described as a nasty piece of works it is definately possible that she lied about sleeping with him just to try and come between you. At the end of the day it is one of those things you will never know but I really think you need to put all this behind you; if you are still with him then all that is in the past anyway. It sounds like you are ruminating too much over this and that isn't a good thing.

    It is understandable that because of what happened with your mum that you are feeling insecure and it seems you understand where your insecurity is coming from. Try and make a fresh start; sometimes things happen to hurt us but we need to move on from this or else we can ruin the good things in our life.

    Wishing you all the best, Gemma xxx

  • Taking what you have written literally it sounds to me as if your partner is behaving admirably. You have everything to gain by believing in him and having trust and nothing to gain by doubting him. End of story ,I don't see what you want help with apart from your level of anxiety which is something you should see your GP about. We don't know the girl or your partner so its impossible to answer your questions.

    I'm sorry that you're suffering with doubts but that's just part of the pain of love. Its not all hearts and roses, and trusting a partner is difficult but has to be done until and if you get evidence to the contrary. How on earth did this girl get access to your social media and facebook and why don't you change your passwords and username ?


  • I am sorry what u r going thru and I won't sugar coat this to make u feel better..ok if he loves the child but the fact is the child is not his...or he is lying about tis...if the child is really not his then he has absolutely no obligation to her or this child and is not to let it dictate his life... His loyalty should lie with you, not the child..I am sorry, he may be partially telling the truth about her manipulation, but I don't believe he is being completely truthful, especially after the text messages...I think u should seek therapy and focus on your mental health instead of him...regarding your mom, her relationship with your father is not her relationship with you. Those are sepate relatioships.try not to take on the problems of their marriage. Focus all your energy on your mental health..and your self worth...u can not have healthy relationships if you are not mentally well. Good luck..

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