Drink Drama!

[Nat_26]

Hi Everyone, this is my first post just felt like a needed a bit of support. Currently lying in my bed not wanting to get out and slightly disappointed I woke up in the first place. Ive been on citalaprom for 5 years but can't never seem to learn. I went out with the boyfriends family to a family friends party and stupidly drank too much and then decided to hop in the taxi with everyone going to town leaving my boyfriend behind! So yesterday I woke up having lost my phone just wanting to die really. I hate myself and the stupid decisions I make, I can't drink the same amount of alcohol so why do I try and think I know by now i'm not your average 23 year old! I also have parts of night I can't remember, which I never cope well with, Im making up scenarios like "what If i cheated" even though I love my boyfriend more than anything, he's my rock and don't know what i'd do without him. I just feel like i've made such a fool out of myself in front of his family, I feel like I can't cope with this and how am I meant live with this embarrassment with his family?

[Scanu07]

I am guessing that you suffer from depression as you are on citalopram? I can empathise with you on this as i do everything in my power to avoid being in situations where i do things out of my normal routine to save me beating myself up the next day! Apart from deciding to carry on with the night did anything really terrible happen? I think we tend to over think and worry and in truth, what ever happened was not as bad as we let our minds think. Try not to be to hard on yourself, most people do some crazy things on a night out but do not spend days racked with guilt shame and horror. I know this probably doesn't help your situation, but want you to know you are not a lone with these thoughts. Please try not to over think the night as it is will just make you feel worse.

[Nat_26 in reply to Scanu07]

Yeah I've suffered with it for about 10 years. Thank you, I think I fell over but having the memory loss makes me worried if something happened in this time. I just feel an embarrassment and hate myself for putting myself in this position again. Thank you.

[Scanu07 in reply to Nat_26]

I know it is easy for me to say but just try to laugh it off and chalk it down to experience. You must of been enjoying yourself at some point to of headed into town. I hope you are feeling a bit better

[Dreamer366 in reply to Nat_26]

Pleeeease look after yourself Nat. Same things happen to me, although in my case I remember them. But I never allow myself to go overboard and get as bad as that unless I KNOW there is a trusted person with me, who will look at for me and get me home safe!!

Take care. And don't forget. We may live in black clouds (because of our illness), but even clouds like ours let the sunshine through every now and then. Learn to appreciate and enjoy EVERY good time, but keep yourself safe while your doing it.

(I feel like your Mum!! Lol).

Oh and 'family's embarrassment'. My family KNOW I have this illness, but it is the 'dirty secret' in the family. No body ever mentions or talks about it. And they never visit me in hospital (I wouldn't even ask!!). But I still see them at Christmas and on Birthdays and occasions, and I pin on a smile and have a nice, friendly relationship with them, because having a family that is ashamed of me, is better than having no family at all. Plus my son deserves to have a 'family' too. But our real love, acceptance and support comes from our WONDERFUL friends. You know the people who CHOOSE to stay in our lives, and are there for us, through thick and thin. If you're family are 'embarrassed' by an illness that you never asked for, and can't help having. Then that is THEIR problem not yours. Try not to stress it. You have enough problems of your own, without worrying about THEIRS. xx

[Hidden]

Hi I agree and don't worry about it. Everyone does things like that from time to time so don't beat yourself up over it.

What I do find more disturbing is your memory loss when you are drinking. Many people don't remember much about a big night out on the old sauce, but there is a big difference between that and a proper memory loss where you worry you might have done something like cheating on your bf. Apart from putting yourself in danger it is also a sign that the drink has too much control over you. My advice is to drink within reasonable limits to a point where you don't suffer a memory loss.

Everyone has their own peculiarities when drinking too much - mine is chucking up which I hate so much that I rarely have blowouts anymore. Can't be doing with it. But if I had memory loss like you I would be much too worried to drink over my limits.

I would also point out that drinking makes depression worse. Did you know that? Drink itself is a depressant so you are not helping yourself there. x