Have you ever woke up hating someone?

As my name suggests I am going to ask is it just me that goes through this? At times i will wake up and wish to be so close to my family that I have to tell myself that its impossible. Why? because of my sister of course, i wake up with dreams where she will say things to our mum putting me in the bad light. Or wake up and find she's taking my things and I'll just start crying because no one else is doing anything about it. I don't even know how to deal with this it just sounds like utter nonsense.

its true i don't exactly love my sister, and many a occasion i have tried to justify some sort of love for her in my heart and end up feeling like a heartless human being, I mean if an outsider said something to her id flip my switch. There will also be time where i have to walk on eggshells around her because of her hormonal outrages (she's bloody pregnant isn't she) and they affect me so much like send my life out of balance that makes me feel like i was the one who was doing something wrong.

She's a huge change in my life, at one point she gets married and she has to stay with her husband in his country, but then she gets pregnant and lands back home. in which her son from her first marriage lives with us, i can get on with him fine, but when she's back i find myself to be more bossy and have little tantrums (I'm disgusting) where i demand him to do stuff. Honestly my life is cuter chaos, i don't want her here and i can't even leave here (hello to being asian) I'm so used to taking responsibility of him that now i just feel useless. i feel like he's just drifting away from me, but not because of her because of me and my attitude. today i did the first miraculous thing ever and even wholeheartedly apologised to him about my unjustified blasts of anger and dictatorship rule. I'm becoming Hitler with a shaved upper lip and a nice weave.

i just can't butt out of his life and i don't know why?? Any advice is appreciated. especially on how to just behave around him? i can't take him out or anything because she hates it when we spend time together. Mega depression mode as i flip out at the laptop and bawl my eyes out. x


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