I have recently found out that my partner could and is most likely suffering from depression. Despite my best intentions I am struggling to really help....
If anyone who has or is suffering depression could share what you needed from someone at your worst times and what would have or did help you?
Many Thanks 
Years ago my husband used to say he would try everything to try and cheer me up. It never worked and all I was aware of was that he was miserable, so I would be riddled with guilt that it was all my fault.
When people that are close to me are suffering, I try to be myself now, which to me is just saying I am here if you want to talk or even if you just need a hug, but strength can be given when someone sees you can just carry on unaffected even when inside your so afraid for that person.
I used to make the mistake of always feeling I needed to "fix it" , but all the best intentions in the world can't fix things, but love and support of just being there in any relationship does help so much, sometimes a loved one needs to know it's ok to feel this way, and once they start to ask for help, then it's just helping someone try the help that's out there and find what helps, there will never be one coat that fits all.
Loving and caring for someone with depression is one thing, but always remember to take more care of yourself as well , so that you can continue to be strong and you will both come out stronger on the other side xx
Hi there I think the best thing is to encourage your Partner to see his GP if he has
Not already.
Tell him to come on here for support.
Look after yourself and really just be supportive , the thing is the sufferer has
To decide to get help for themselves and make that choice, no one else can do
It for them.
Good luck with your journey.
Hannah
It is important to to understand and know the cause of depression.is your partner sharing everything with you ? By everything I mean his / her innermost feelings,emotions and thoughts. Is there some problem or worries,he/she is unable to solve or share with you. There are things which many people don't like to share and unable to cope with it go into a vicious circle of negativity culminating in depression. So many times a psychiatrist support is required.
We are very open and do share everything.. The course is a traumatic event which spiralled into a dark year trying to get over it and there is history of it. I think the previously posted advise that I need to look at this as something not to fix but to just be there.
Thank you all for your advise
It is very difficult for even trained counsellors to help someone suffering from depression but I would try and get your partner to feel that you will always be there for them to discuss their problem if that is what they want , and to comfort them.
The fact that you can't always help will be very frustrating for you at times and its important to show great patience. I don't know how serious your partner's depression is , but if serious it has been called the worst illness in the world. Even if not that bad,believe me its pretty bad , so try and show great patience as even with the right medical help it can last for several months , but it always ends. When your partner is back to normal it would probably be a good idea to ask if there is anything you can do to help if it recurs, which hopefully it won't. Your partner is lucky to have as a partner ,someone who wants to help, as I always found my wife's support invaluable.
There is a lot of good advice on many websites for friends and family of people suffering depression. Just google depression and most of the medical websites will have advice for family and friends.
Olderal
Personally I'd advise that you just let him know that you are there if he wants to talk and that you are there if he doesn't want to talk as well and that talking isn't something that he needs to do.
It is unlikely that you will ever really know and understand what he is going through and he will be find with that because to understand would mean you were going through the same, or had been through the same, and that isn't something he will wish on you.
Sounds from your reply to paliputra that you are already starting to realise that it is the being there that counts.
If the depression is a reaction to a traumatic event then it is likely that talking about things isn't something he is going to want to do and possibly isn't something that is going to help as he may be suffering from PTSD - which means he isn't remembering what happened but he's actually reliving it all the time and can't get away from it.
As photogeek says - he is the one that needs to look for help - you can support him in finding that help but ...
and you really do need to look after yourself
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