Hi, sorry I haven't updated anyone in white a while...
My mum sent me to the college councillor,it was okay at first but then I had to come up with excuses for my friends as to why I wasn't around at lunch sometimes, which I found really difficult to do after a while. I still had / have my ups and downs, which mum thought was just the college councillor not being good enough, so she wants to send me to the doctors for antidepressants and an official diagnosis. My lows have been getting so low, and more regular, it's just hard to keep on top of everything...but it's the summer holidays and I'm trying to keep myself busy, so I don't have time to feel low. I think I'm afraid of what will happen if I stay inside on my own for too long...i used to do it all the time but I don't think it would do me any good at all now.
My anxiety is still pretty bad, I'm supposed to be going out for a meal tomorrow evening for my friend's birthday, but I know I won't be up to leaving the house, let alone socialising with her other friends who I don't know. I really don't know what to say to her either,she knows I suffer from anxiety so I might just tell her the truth rather than trying to make up an excuse.
I have a month left to go, but in dreading going back to college...I'm e the excitement at the start of term usually, with new classes and the opportunity to make new friends, but I know my anxiety attacks are going to limit what I can do, and I hate that, I just want to be able to talk to people and make friendships I used to be able to, but I'm terrified.
Well that's it for now, I hope everyone is well
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Alicia