Floundering more and more everyday :(

[les82]

Sorry, me again. Feeling so down the now. My life is a mess. My relationship is breaking down before my eyes, hes so unsupportive. I have a meddling mother in law who causes so much trouble ita unbelievable. My house is not excessively clean but its not dirty. It may be a bit diaorganised the now but i feel i have gave up. Last night she referred to the house as a cowp! Who does she thinks she is? She was in til 12am this morning ransacking me once more. I've had it. I have decided to do my post grad diploma in education in order to become a primary teacher and i thought i had the back up of my fiance until him and his mum started on me last night and he said i should be looking after our wee dude til he starts school. He says i want everything and that if i'm bored being a housewife and mum why did i have kids. He then said for me just to give our wee boy to him and pursue my career. I only wanted something to strive for something to better my prospects and protect my family's future. I feel like i am getting chipped away at everyday and becoming weaker every single day. Any advice? X

[Hidden]

Well your bf can have everything cant he? A family and a career - wow lucky man. It is much harder for a woman to have the same privileges as a man isnt it? My sister said to me the other day that a man takes a bright intelligent woman and turns her into a housewife. He then gets bored with her and looks for another intelligent woman etc. etc. You can have a family and a career these days so please don't give up on your dreams. Your fiance should be supporting you and wanting to make you happy as well as himself you know. And tell that interfering mil to bog off

Bev xx

[Hidden]

Sound like you are being bullied a bit here! Two against one is no fair deal and it may be better for you to seek couple therapy to get your partner to understand this.

He may have the same feelings, but doesn’t have to have his mother back him up!! No wonder he is blinded by how you are feeling. If he is not happy with the state of the house he can either do something himself or employ someone to help out a bit! That would easily solve that one.

Just because you want to work towards financially supporting your family, does in no way deter the fact that you are a very good mother yourself. Like every one else you just have to work through the hard times of actually doing it, and could do with all the help and assistance around you, not the criticisms that you seem to be getting at the moment.

When in such a difficult situation it is often better to get am mediator to help sit and talk things over, less likely to end up with a fight which gets nothing resolved, someone trained in the right area knows how to get each of you to understand the situation and the best way to resolve it if possible.

Sounds like next time the mother-in-law starts you would be better politely excusing yourself to bed and stop her in her tracts! We would all be more likely to defend ourselves, and that clearly doesn’t seem to get anywhere.

Hope he is a little more supportive when she is not around.

Hugs to you xxxx

[les82 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you folks. I already feel like a failure with letting depression bring me down but to have the person who loves me moat in the world doing it doesnt seem very fair. My fiance told his mum to keep away from me as i am beyond help as i can only help myself. She ia now gonna txt to get the wee boy and ia gonna keep away from the house. That sounds like bliss but i actually dont mind her in small doses but she always overstays her welcome. My fiance says he loves me but is struggling with certain aspects. In a nutshell he ia struggling with my moods and depression. He is of the view that i should be able to pull myself out of the dark places and that i should be fine everyday but i just feel like a defeatist. How do i fix things when i dont know where to start? As for the career i dont believe that i'm gonna be a 'part time mum' as they said. As long as i provide a great future for my kids and aspire to give them all the love and the best life i can, how can that be wrong? Now i feel like i cant go for the diploma as i havent got the support needed to do it. But then if i'm a full time mum i'll get accused of being lazy and him having to provide everything. I have started a placement at my daughters school to get experience and i love it. A bit of a break from the house and the kids. Its lovely to have something for me again as i feel like a lost soul lately x

[Hidden]

It sounds like away form his mother your partner is trying to be a lot more understanding and helpful, but like a lot of people in his situation just doesnt necessrily understand depression or how he can help.

thanks why involving him in therapy perhaps can also help him understand it all, it is unfortunate that help sometimes revolves more around the sufferer themselves and not enough to help those close to understand and know how to give support?

nice you have a placement at your daughters school, hopefully he will also see how this helps you and a good way forward to follow the path you want to take in life, once he sees it helps you so much he will perhaps start seeing things from your perspective and help more.

xxxx

[WantToChange]

Yeah, he is not supportive in any way. It's maybe a good thing he walked out. It sounds like his mummy influences him waaay too much. Anywyas, why should you have to look after the baby full time? He is a parent too is he not? Surely he wanted the kid as well as it takes two to make a child. It's not just the responsibility of the woman anymore. You are more than entitled to further your career.

What I will say is that the PGDE is incredibly hard. I can't even tell you how had it was for me. I did the secondary one and left half way through. I was struggling with the anxiety and my relationship issues only made things worse. You will be very stressed dealing with the course and your child, never mind an unsupportive pratt thrown into the mx. You can do this course and look after your child, you don't need to hand him over to your ex.

Your other half should always be supportive (unless of course the thing in quetsion is completely unrealistic and they are just trying to bring you back to earth). They sholdn't be th eones to bring you down in life, we have enemies and employers for that xx