Is something wrong with me? I cannot stop self harming.

I've been self harming on and off since I was 19 and I'm 23 now. The only way I can cope when drastic things happen in my life is when I mutilate my body. I don't know how to deal with emotional changes like; Break-ups, Jobs, Death, Ruined friendships, Jealous family, Poverty etc.... I get triggers and urges in my head telling me I need to do this. I either cut my wrist with razors or burn them with cigarettes buds. Whenever I feel unloved or someone walks out my life I self harm out of punishment to myself for letting them leave (all cases I did nothing wrong). I suffer from depression, panic attacks and anxiety as well.

[Gambit62]

On one level the answer to your question is yes, there is definitely something wrong as self-harming is not a normal healthy response/coping strategy in the situations you describe. I'm not an expert in self-harm but I would imagine that once you have found it as a coping strategy - like many others that aren't helpful responses - it is very difficult to unlearn a habit and it will continue for years and possibly for the rest of your life unless you get some help to find some better coping strategies.

However, being aware that it is a coping strategy that isn't right (others use booze, pills ...) goes a long way to being able to actually do something about it. The important thing right now is to find some way of getting out of the habit of beating yourself up and allowing yourself to get caught up in the feelings that you are responsible for what has happened. I know that is a lot easier said than done and none of this is easy. However, every time you become aware that you are feeling responsible, take a moment to acknowledge (as a positive) your self awareness and then remind yourself that you aren't responsible.

There is a national organisation in the UK - but not sure if you are in the UK - that supports people who self-harm but I'm not sure if they have local groups and I can't remember the details - but I'm sure if you did an internet search you would come up with something. There are tips on line for weening yourself on to less harmful coping mechanisms - holding ice is one - using rubber bands and twanging them are others.

Have you been to see your GP? Emotional problems can sometimes be symptoms of other problems so it is a good idea to get checked out - possibilities include diabetes, thyroid problems, B12 deficiency.

Hope you manage to switch to some more healthy coping strategies relatively easy.

[Gambit62 in reply to Gambit62]

Sorry - should have added that your GP may also be able to refer you to therapies that may help - such as CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy)

[wallflower_fairy]

Hi

Your poor thing. One of my best friends told me 1 in 8 people self harm, it is very common - especially in young people - and not anything to feel ashamed of - but Gambit it right in the sense that it isn't an healthy way to respond to distressing live events, and only causes more distress afterwards.

Gambit says most of what I was going to say, I am just going to add one last thing. Self harm is an indication that you're dealing with very extreme emotions, reacting over-sensitively to upsetting, but not all together uncommon live events that people have to deal with at some point. I am wondering if these life events act as a trigger for some emotional release associated with memories in your past? I think you should try and get to the root of the problem - coping strategies can be used short term, but if the emotions you're experiencing are frequently over whelming, even healthier coping strategies can't be used as a long term solution - because they don't make the underlying issue go away.

Tell your GP what is happening, hopefully they can refer to talking therapies and you'll be put as a high priority because of your self harming. Something like dialectal behavioural therapy couples CBT and counselling (background/context).

Hope this helps.

wanderingwallflower xx